Une Femme Libérée

Update - New Blog

2012-01-07T19:04:00.000-08:00

As evident from my lack of posts on this blog, I have not been writing much about literature, politics, nor engaging in my sometimes poetic emotional rants. I have instead been writing a lot about running. I've been running on a consistent basis now for 18 months, during which time I have run three half-marathons, one marathon, and two 10K races, not to mention countless training runs of varying distances.

I am not abandoning this blog entirely, as I am sure eventually I will circle back to writing about something other than running. But for the moment, you can find me here: Just Go Run

Memory Flash

2011-04-20T13:01:00.000-07:00

There are these moments where I catch myself forgetting I have a mother. Data files of her image, her voice, her smell, her clothing, the age spots on her hands, the feeling of her skin, the texture of her hair, and her various gazes, both harsh and soft, caring and cruel, relaxed and tense--remain hidden in the recesses of my brain. I have tried so hard to keep her out of my daily consciousness. But then, out of the blue, one of the data files will open in front of me and like a film screen, pieces of her will project on the walls all around me. And that is when it happens. That is when I realize that I spend most days in denial of her existence, only to be reminded in quick, unexpected, bolts of lightening.

Deconstructing the Past

2010-02-01T21:51:00.000-08:00

Almost a year
since that phone call,
since I left the door open
for you to walk through
or even look through,
but you never came.

So many things
are different now,
but the pain hasn't left,
it just hides in the walls
most days, but tonight
it crept out like a spider.

It's hard to look backwards,
I cannot even look at your picture
for more than a few seconds,
seeing your image forces me
to acknowledge you still exist,
reminds me you're still alone.

In those first few months
a hailstorm of memories
flashed through my mind,
all the moments I could
never understand in a rapid-fire
slide show, leaving me breathless.

I took to sorting them all,
assigning categories,
then filed them away
one by one. You were always
organized, one trait I will
not fight inheriting . . .

That Word

2009-11-16T21:01:00.000-08:00

I do not want to hear it spoken,
that familiar, yet unfamiliar word.

She's not there anymore,
but then again, she never was.

I used to believe she was real.
But now I realize I was living off hope.

I woke up one day,
and decided I was done,
I couldn't say it.

The sensation of comfort one should feel,
has been replaced with a permanent emptiness.

So please don't ask me to say it,
or use it, because I have no mother.

Being Present

2009-11-11T20:54:00.000-08:00

In my last post, I included an excerpt which in sum, says to slow down enough to be present and attentive, to struggle against the need to always be doing something. In the last month, I have tried to take the time to do just that, to be more attentive, and to reflect.

When you slow down enough, to feel your heart beating, to hear the ticking clock and murmur of voices blur into the background, there is a space left. Only in that space, can the seeds of awareness grow, can the mind take a breath and reflect, and is the heart left to open up and shed all the pain that you've housed and hidden away.

It is so easy to keep the mind distracted, especially for those of us striving to maintain everything that is outward, professional lives, social lives, and our intimate lives. For the type A, which I admit I am, you want everything, but there is a cost. You want to excel in every part of your life, but there comes a moment when you realize that your efforts to excel can keep you from being happy. You start putting everything and everyone ahead of yourself, you focus on the views of others. Ultimately, you can lose yourself.

Growing up, my biggest concern in life was just getting out of the house. I spent as much time as I could out of the house, away from my mother. I exerted so much energy trying to cope with the destructive environment that I had to wake up and return to every day. Once I entered college, and had successfully separated myself from the grips of my mother, at least physically (although not financially), I was too busy with class, studying, friends, and partying to allow room for much spiritual or emotional growth. Soon after, I went to law school which left even less time to let myself emotionally breath. The idea of creating some sort of space in which to reflect on anything other than cases, rules, and the IRAC method, was simply not in my mind.

I find myself now, trying to look back at the past several years through a new lens. Now armed with the recent revelation that all that my mother did, and continues to do, is neither my fault, nor within my power to change, I am attempting to uncover the scars of old wounds, instead of simply hiding them. I am forcing myself to slow down, to be attentive, and open my heart.

Update

2008-12-03T23:14:00.000-08:00

I haven't written for months, partly because I've been really busy and partly because I haven't been in the mood to sit down and write posts.

In late July, I took the California Bar Exam. In August, I traveled to France for vacation. In September, I started my job. In early November I was DELIGHTED that people got out and voted for Barack Obama and for the first time in my life was proud of and hopeful for the United States. Most recently, on November 21st, I got my results from the bar exam: I PASSED!

I am still settling into my job, enjoying being able to finally call myself a lawyer after three years of law school, three days of the bar exam, and months of waiting. That's about it for now. I hope to get back into writing soon.

Gun Shots at 3:23am

2008-08-06T21:20:00.000-07:00

It's 3:23 am and I hear it, four distinct gun shots, thoughtful, spaced evenly with two seconds between each crack. I picture what lies on the other side of that short barrel.

I picture a man running, because I hear no tires screech. There is no one there, to help the fallen one.

There are no sirens, no screams. The night is silent.

And so I lie there, for hours readjusting the pillow, staring up at the ceiling, and rustling my legs free from the sheets. It's cold, but I don't want to get up to turn off the fan, I don't want to leave the bed or approach the windows.

The air is still outside, and I wonder if the blood is on the sidewalk, or the street, or perhaps on someone's front lawn; is anyone there, is anyone watching, is anyone crying now.

Engaged!

2008-07-07T22:41:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, on July 5th, 2008 I got engaged! It was the six year anniversary of our first "night out." We both designed the ring over several months, but I hadn't ever seen it all put together. It turned out perfectly!!

Many people commented that it took the romance out of the process by having me participate in the design process and know what the ring was going to look like. I still believe that the process of designing it, over several months, added meaning to the process instead of taking it away. The engagement ring is something you will hopefully wear the rest of your life, and these days it makes sense to give a woman the ability to have some say in that process.

The proposal was a complete surprise and I really enjoyed the traditional moment when it finally happened.

WALL-E: So worth the trip and the $10

2008-07-03T23:20:00.000-07:00

Just got back from seeing WALL-E at the theatre. The movie was definitely worth the $10 movie ticket! I never knew that a robot could be so expressive, or that robots in love could actually bring a tear to my eye, but it's true. Once again Pixar has created an ingenious animated film, and this one even includes social commentary which I will let viewers pick up on themselves (pretty clear in the first 5 minutes of the film, then again about 30 minutes in).

Lovin' My CSA Box

2008-06-25T20:27:00.001-07:00

I recently signed up to have organic produce delivered to my home from local farms. The "CSA" box as it is often called, which stands for Community Supported Agriculture, is really starting to catch on. I signed up for Planet Organics, which delivers farm fresh fruits and vegetables from five local farms in and around the Bay Area.

I scheduled my delivery for this past Tuesday. As I left the house at around 8:30am, the box was already at my door! The produce comes in a reusable green plastic container that you leave for them to pick up when they drop off your next delivery. I opened the box, and at first had a slight feeling of disappointment. The vegetables and fruit are simply sitting in the box, not grouped in bags or containers (except for the blueberries), just sitting there sort of helpless.

But then I thought, this is not the supermarket, this is not the heavily plastic-wrapped goods found at large chain stores (or even Trader Joes). No, this is my CSA box, and the whole reason I am ordering this delivery is because it is organic, travels a very short distance, and is not wrapped in excessive and unnecessary plastic. Therefore, I should not complain with it arrives in a box, not otherwise packaged or wrapped individually.

Last night we had the fresh zucchini and orange tomatoes in our Farfalle pasta dish--they were excellent! Today I had one of the plums, which was equally delicious.

Gradually, I am trying to re-connect with food in a way that strips it of everything that is corporate, industrial, and processed. I feel very lucky to have the option of a local CSA as well as a weekly and year-round farmer's market less than a mile from where I live.

Today, while picking up a few paper-related products at Safeway, I stood in line watching the people behind me unload the items from their cart. Their ENTIRE cart was filled with boxed, processed, frozen foods--many of which were part of the Weight Watchers brand of food products. There was not a single un-processed item in their entire cart, not one. I looked on in amazement --looking for signs that perhaps this was not their normal order. Everything they bought, they bought two or three of the item. There weren't even any frozen "whole" foods, such as frozen vegetables or frozen fruit. Everything was a heavily processed frozen "dinner" or "dessert." I was instantly reminded that the majority of the nation is not eating simple, unprocessed, fruits of the earth. Instead, people are eating foods that are injected with an overabundance of corn or soy products, few nutrients, and too much fat or in the alternative a whole lot of fake sugars.

All I can say is that I cherish real food, touched only by sun, water, earth, insects, animals, and of course the human hands that tended the crops. I choose to make political statements not only through my vote, but with what I choose to consume and not consume. If people start/continue to make political statements with their purchasing power, especially over food, more will change than in any single Congressional term. Where there is demand, there will be supply--help put a dent in the demand!!!

Phrase of the Month "Ugh"

2008-06-23T22:11:00.000-07:00

Six weeks until the dreaded three-day California Bar Exam. Realizing this week that I need to pick up the pace and actually start studying 6 hours after class each day, instead of only 4. Can no longer easily take off an afternoon, and may have to cancel some plans in the near future.

Today, took first practice 3hr Performance Test and sort of liked the change from the MBE and Essay monotony of late. Also took a long MBE practice set this afternoon and found that I am already starting to forget the stuff I crammed in my head during the first four weeks and need to start re-reviewing again to make it stick.

Little more reading, then bed . . . ugh.

Been A While

2008-06-07T21:45:00.000-07:00

It has been a while, a long while, since I have posted anything.

As a general update, I graduated from law school this past May and now I am studying for the California Bar Exam. In other words, my days are filled with watered-down, generally phrased legal rules and doctrines that I am doing my best to memorize.

Below are the books I have recently read; they were both excellent! I am looking forward to reading Hosseini's most recent book "A Thousand Splendid Suns."

More later . . .

UPCOMING EVENT

2008-03-14T23:35:00.001-07:00

The University of California, Hastings College of the Law and
the Monterey Institute of International Studies
present:

SURVIVING CLIMATE CHANGE: ADAPTATION AND INNOVATION

The Conference will be held at:
U.C. Hastings in Mary Kay Kane Hall, 200 McAllister Street, San Francisco

The 2008 Hastings Climate Change Conference will address public and private strategies for adapting to the impact of climate change on economic development and human rights, fostering innovation and building resiliency.

The Keynote Speakers include:
Mary Nichols, Chair of the California Air Resources Board and
San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom

The Conference features speakers and panels on the following subjects:
• Strategic Complements: Adaptation and Reducing Greenhouse Gases
• The Impact of Climate Change on Development and Human Rights
• Financing Adaptation and Innovation
• Building Resiliency
• Acting Locally
• Urban Strategies for Coping with Climate Change
• Private Market Responses

Co-Sponsors of the Conference:
• Hastings West-Northwest Journal of Environmental Law & Policy
• Hastings International and Comparative Law Review

What's Left After

2008-02-07T23:00:00.001-08:00

For a friend who recently ended a relationship. I think that the hardest part of break-ups, is getting through the identity crisis that is triggered afterwards. What was half of your life--or at least a large part of your life--is gone. You are no longer Mary & Joe anymore, you are just Mary or just Joe. While spending time alone can be liberating, it can be frightening at first. This poem is about dealing with these challenges.

What's Left After

Sitting on the floor, your
back against the door,
knees crouched in at your chest.

He left hours ago, but the fabric
of your clothes and sheets, is
still saturated with his scent.

Your heart begins to race
at the sound of footsteps in
the stairwell, but the sound fades--
and the room grows quiet.

Across the room, your dinner plate
sits on the kitchen counter,
the vegetables withered and cold,
the meat limp.

You just need a little more time,
to figure out what's left of you
now that he's gone.

Fall Food

2007-11-05T09:44:00.001-08:00

PUMPKIN SOUP with PUMPKIN BREAD

At this time of year, when the air gets a little cooler, the leaves change, and entryways are all accented with pumpkins, I love cooking seasonal dishes. Although the pumpkin puree used in this dish was not from the farmer's market, the carrots, celery, cilantro, onion, and garlic were!

Favorite Movie of 2007: "After the Wedding"

2007-10-16T23:28:00.000-07:00

This movie is absolutely exquisite. It is a Danish movie with English subtitles. The cinematography is beautiful, specifically the angles of the characters (pay attention to where the camera focuses) as well as the fleeting images througout the film which signify a lot and offer foreshadowing. These second long frames are not pointless, take note of them.

The acting is excellent, each character is fully developed and you feel as though you understand each character more than in most movies. You will cry while watching this movie, but you will hopefully adore the richness of the film and the story. I have seen it twice and plan to continue to watch it again and again.

Rating: A+

Why You Shouldn't Go To Law School

2007-09-24T22:25:00.000-07:00

Today's Wall Street Journal included an article entitled: "Hard Case: Job Market Wanes for U.S. Lawyers: Growth of Legal Sector Lags Broader Economy, Law Schools Proliferate."

As I embark on my third year in law school, I find this article particularly relevant, as feelings of regret, doubt, fear, and desperation are mounting despite the fact that it is only September. I have heard so many young college kids, or recent graduates, talk about how they'll go to law school as if it is the answer to their problems, the gateway to a pot of gold. Unfortunately, only a select few will find themselves surrounded in riches. But more to the point, life for many who do excel is not what most of us would call enjoyable. Those who do excel will log countless hours getting to, and staying at, the top, and likely do not have a great deal of time for relationships or a social life.

Surfing the web, I also found this very good reason not to attend law school:

Reason 13. Bad Eyes, Bad Backs, General Sickliness

During your three years of pre-Esquire servitude, you are almost guaranteed to develop one or all of the following physical deformities: bad eyes, a bad back and general sickliness.
General Sickliness: Nowhere breathes a weaker-constitutioned, more out of shape, more pallid group than in a law school classroom. Most within their walls suffer from nonspecific symptoms of exhaustion, mild nausea and poor circulation. When consulted, doctors normally shrug and smile maliciously--having felt even worse throughout med school. Sufferers--and that includes almost all law students, with the possible exceptions of The Drudge, The Compulsive Talker and The Ass Kisser--want to go to bed and pull the covers over their heads for three years. Of those who do, 100% have reportedly been cured. The great suffering majority, however, swig from bottles of Maalox and plug along, saving their bile for that savorous day when they file their first medical malpractice action. . .
From Don't be a Fool--Stay Out of School; 29 Reasons Not to Go to Law School by Ralph Warner, Toni Ihara & Barbara Kate Repa.

This I can particularly relate to. Since entering law school I have developed a bursitis in my left hip joint as well as snapping hip syndrome (due to too much sitting), as well as slight onset of drier, older looking skin around my eyes that I am constantly battling with my weapon of choice: Anti-wrinkle smoothing cream (likely meant for women over the age of 40). I of course, am not in as bad as shape as some others because I try my best to continue going to the gym, although at the moment I am not in shape and sorely in need of several hours on the elliptical followed by a long run. I hope to God that I can afford lypo when I get a job.

Advice: Pursue the other "dreams" you have and think through all other alternatives before going to law school. Unless of course you are destined for success at one of the Ivy's and you care little for having an active social life.

Insight before Flight

2007-07-26T23:10:00.000-07:00

Over the past twent-six years I have flown numerous times, the majority of those times alone. The first time I flew toute seule, I was in middle school. It was the summer after my mother served my father with divorce papers, which occurred in May. I was sent to stay with my cousins in Northern California, 3000 miles away from home, so that I would be shielded from the chaos and also out of my parents already distressed hair. That summer offered me a great deal of relaxation and provided an escape from a home that often felt more like a war zone, where I was forced to take sides in a political war I opposed. The years that followed the divorce have a great deal to do with the pleasure I get from flying alone.

It wasn’t until I attended college that I began to fly alone more frequently, and it was at this time that I began to take interest in the feelings that seemed to surface while I wandered and waited in the airport. First and foremost, I felt incredibly independent flying alone, managing my baggage, finding the gate, waiting to board, and immersing myself in a book. I enjoyed the feeling of people’s eyes sizing me up, and especially the seldom occurrence where a man’s eyes would remain fixed on me for more than few seconds. I like the mystery of the airport, where no one knows a thing about me (other than the security staff and airline attendants) where I am from, where I am traveling, why I am traveling. No one knows what I am escaping or to what I am forced to return. Of course for a while, the former was college and the latter was home—a home that housed only miserable memories for me for a very long time.

Unlike cafes, or libraries, or park benches, the airport has often allowed me the most clarity of thought. Perhaps this is because for a time, the airport was one of few places where I could escape all pressures, all echoes of criticism and unmet expectations. Of course the gift of clarity often brought sadness, or feelings of emptiness. Regardless, it is the place where I have undoubtedly gained insight on the happenings and people in my life.

The past several years, I noticed that the clarity I felt during my college years had faded, and all but disappeared. That is, until this very trip from Alaska back to California, where I now reside. I have been gone for six weeks, the longest time I have been alone, in a sense, for four years. Although I am generally very happy with my life, I have found in these past six weeks that I am a creature dependant upon the ability to escape. This is another trait, or perhaps more accurately called a habit, that I have acquired from my father, who now lives overseas.

I decided to go to Alaska for a summer legal internship last November. It was a decision that I took very little time to digest, perhaps only a week in full, but one that I in no way regret. However, for several months I feared that I had made the wrong decision, that I was leaving behind my life and that perhaps when I returned it would no longer be intact. This year, our fifth year together, has been the most difficult one for my relationship. It was for that reason I feared that I was doing more than leaving for ten weeks, that it was possible I was abandoning a relationship I was tired of fixing.

Turning on my computer, waiting for the screen to load, I notice I am fidgeting in the same way that my father does. I rustle my middle and forefingers against my thumb. Last time I saw my father type, I remember him pausing, thinking of the next phrase to write, and in those moments where the wheels in his mind were turning fast, his fingers moved quickly as if to rub an invisible substance on his skin. I don’t know how we pick up these minor habits, habits with no purpose, habits which have never been pushed upon us. This fidgeting of my fathers hands, and now my own, seems to signify their frustration.

I think that one very valuable trait, which seems to be increasingly loosing its glory, is the ability to spend time alone for the sole purpose of seeking clarity of thought. In addition to granting perspective on the troubles and worries of life, spending significant time apart from loved ones also grants a rebirth of independence. I am not speaking of the sort of rebelious independence that you seek as an adolescent, but an independence which reminds you that you are more than the relationships you are in, the jobs you take, and the city where you live. Remembering the thoughts which propped up in one's mind before life got too busy to eat sitting down and learning how to enjoy nights alone--a sort of independence from all habits, all routines, and all roles.

What Are You Eating ? Books About Food

2007-07-08T23:59:00.000-07:00

Although I'm sure you remember the hoopla about Michael Pollen's Omnivore's Dilemma in 2006, if you have not yet picked it up to read, I seriously suggest that you do. If you are interested in finding out about American Industrial Agriculture, Industrial Organic, the reason that cows should not be fed corn, and the way to make your food selection not only a sustainable act, but a political act--then you must read this book.

Although I'm sure you remember the hoopla about Michael Pollen's Omnivore's Dilemma in 2006, if you have not yet picked it up to read, I seriously suggest that you do. If you are interested in finding out about American Industrial Agriculture, Industrial Organic, the reason that cows should not be fed corn, and the way to make your food selection not only a sustainable act, but a political act--then you must read this book.

Micheal Pollen has taken detailed information about the food we eat, how it is grown or raised, how it is processed, how it gets to our hungry mouths, and the mark that its production leaves on the environment.

I finally had the chance to read this exquisite book during the last month, and found it increasingly difficult to put down, even though I am living with almost 24 hours of daylight and numerous outdoor activities to take the place of reading.

Not only is the book brimming with fascinating and useful information, but Pollen discusses and quotes various other fantastic less well-known (at least to me) writers who have written on the subject of farming.

This book has re-inspired me, it has reminded me of the values I hold in food, in treating the earth, and in treating animals. I have started a list of the things I want to do, things I have only thought about for brief moments during the past several years. I am now calling myself to action, and have finally decided that yes, what I eat is more than carbs fat and protein, it is a political statement, it is my decision not only to nourish myself and to respect the earth, but to adamantly oppose industrial agriculture. Local is the only sustainable choice--everything else has costs. I am also hell-bent on getting rid of my affinity for soda.

Other books of interest, that I haven't yet read but are sitting on my shelf:

And . . .

And . . .

The Return

2007-06-25T00:30:00.000-07:00

It takes a trip away
to regain those things
you lost in the comfort
of his daily presence.

Learning how to sleep
without him, has somehow
helped you to dream again
and cherish the memory of his warmth.

That sprint at the end of your run,
made you lose your breath
but helped find that feeling
you forgot existed.

It took a few walks,
long and quiet, to figure out
where you came from,
and where you want to go.

You will return to
his arms, but with
this freedom and with
this confidence.

Now you're ready--
ready to walk with him.

Fire in Anchorage, June 5, 2007

2007-06-06T00:09:00.000-07:00

Today there was a 2 alarm fire in Anchorage that took over five hours to put out. I was watching the fire rage for several hours and got some great shots, which are below.

Missing Your Touch

2007-06-05T00:25:00.000-07:00

I spend each day, passing people, holding doors, barely brushing against an arm, possibly shaking someone's hand. After four years, feeling the warmth of your hands, the strength of your arms wrapped around me, and the heat of your breath on my neck, I now pass each day with no human physical contact. As the days pass, I feel more and more like an infant, who has been coddled for the first 10 days of life, and then left in the middle of a desert.

I come home, to a silent house, wishing for noise, for someone's voice, to fill the empty air. I stay awake until I'm too tired to think, so I won't lie in bed and think of you. I forgot how difficult it is, to stay warm under the covers, without your body beside me. I pile on the blankets, but still shiver during the night. As it approachs the summer solstice, I count down the days until I can see you.

Thoughts from Anchorage, AK

2007-06-04T00:39:00.000-07:00

The Last Time
When was the last time
you lied down in the grass
with your face to the sky
and your legs and arms spread apart,
while you felt your chest rise
and fall with each breath.

When was the last time
you sat quietly
by yourself, with no book to read
no bus to catch, no where to be,
except exactly where you sat.

When was the last time
you appreciated an imperfection
and ignored whatever was drawn
outside of the lines.

When was the last time
you stood naked
in front of the mirror
and felt happy
with what you saw.

Just a Thought
This evening, as I brushed my hair,
I thought--what if I just asked him
to stay the night,
to nestle beside me,
put his arm around my waist,
the way that you do.

To just sleep there,
with his knees touching
the back of mine.
Without speaking, he could
kiss my neck, and say "goodnight,"
all so I could pretend it was you
beside me, your fingertips,
resting on my waist,
and your lips.

Perhaps I could make believe
that you weren't 3500 miles away,
and instead lying here with me.

The Military, Segregation, and Gender Stereotypes

2007-04-04T21:41:00.000-07:00

Here is a recent (and awful) article about rape in the military, which ends up promoting the idea of segregating women from men in the military. I thought the article was sloppy and disrespectful.

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/editorial/outlook/4677137.html

I wrote a response to the article, which is below.

________________________________

Dear Ms. Parker,

I was extremely troubled by your article, "Behind those tales of rape that wasn't rape."

I think that your attempt to blame the Pentagon for tension between male and female officers was a veil for your real message, which is to keep women out of the military, or to completely segregate them from men, because it is the women who cause all the problems.

You promoted the idea of segregation in the military, and then stated that among other things it would reduce the plague of divorces caused by fraternizing. Segregation of women from men in the military surely, if ever done, shouldn’t be due to the fact that men and women are cheating while away from home. In fact coupling these two ideas mocks women’s rights, women’s efforts to be put on equal grounds with men, and women’s struggles to be respected in the military.

Your final sentence shows the “true colors” of your article. You stated, “Finally, our commanders and fighting men could focus on the business of war rather than tending to gender skirmishes that distract commanders and steal time, resources and energy from the military's purpose.” Your specific mention of men, without mentioning women, again undermines our women in the military, our women who have been the victims of violence by men, those who do the best they can to stay out of other’s way, to fight, and to be held on equal terms.

I am assuming you come from a conservative background, one which teaches that women should remain at home, or perhaps pursue only certain jobs—perhaps journalism is one of them. There was a time when women were not seen to be intellectually equal to men in the field of journalism, yet you today take full advantage of your ability to compete alongside men in your field. Women’s entrance into the military is new and still under fire, but if you are going to raise arguments, at least raise argument with some merit.

You should take a moment to read some cases regarding women’s rights, segregation, and gender discrimination to understand what the valid arguments are, perhaps then you will be able to write a better story. Saying that segregation is “more rational” without backing it up with any facts or research is simply irresponsible and lazy. Here is one particular to women in the military: United States v. Virginia, 518 U.S. 515 (1996).

As a woman, as a journalist, and as an educated individual, you should try to avoid complicated subjects (such as gender segregation) without reading cases and articles, so as to avoid making overbroad generalizations which reinforce the current gender stereotypes that women such as myself try to destroy.

Many people are outraged with your story, unfortunately not all of them have the energy to write you. I hope that you will be more sensitive, exacting, and thoughtful next time you choose to write on such a political topic.

Sincerely,

-ELLA-

More Coal In Your Stocking!

2007-03-25T22:13:00.000-07:00

Despite the fact that it is known that global warming is caused by CO2 emissions, despite the fact that our weather patterns have already begun to change, that glaciers are melting inches a day, despite all of this...there are over 100 coal plants soon to be built in the US.

Salon.com News Article: Let's call the coal thing off by Amanda Griscom Little, Mar. 12, 2007.

Coal supplies nearly half the electricity in the U.S. and is responsible for more greenhouse-gas emissions than any other electricity source. Is it too late to kick the habit? Climate scientists, key members of Congress, enviros and the progressive wing of the business world are plotting a coup d'état. Regime change isn't likely to come soon, but this resistance movement could significantly alter the way the pollution-spewing sovereign wields its power.

The ringleader of this uprising is James Hansen, director of NASA's Goddard Institute for Space Studies and one of the world's top climate scientists. Last week he threw down the gauntlet: "There should be a moratorium on building any more coal-fired power plants," Hansen told the National Press Club.

Coal supplies nearly half the electricity in the United States and is responsible for more greenhouse-gas emissions than any other electricity source. The Department of Energy reported last month that 159 new coal-fired power plants are scheduled to be built in the United States in the coming decade, intended to generate enough juice for nearly 100 million homes.

"If you build a new coal plant, you're making a 60-year commitment -- that's how long these plants are generally in use," explains David Doniger, policy director for the Natural Resources Defense Council's climate center. "So we really need to avoid building a whole new generation of coal plants that use the old technology."

Finish the remainder of the article online.

_______________________________________________________________
Texas, in particular, is contributing to the rise in coal plants. Recently, on All Things Considered, on NPR, Wade Goodwyn described exactly what Texas' role has been and will be in the future.

Texas already has a sorry reputation for its dirty air. Houston vies with Los Angeles, trading back and forth the No. 1 spot on the list of cities most choked by smog. Now, Texas utility companies are proposing to build 17 new coal-burning power plants and one petroleum-coke power plant over the next four years. They have the support of the governor, but mayors in some of the state's largest cities are putting up a fight.

Gov. Rick Perry has issued an executive order fast-tracking state permits for the proposed plants. But a coalition of Texas mayors, newspaper editors and environmentalists are playing the tortoise in this Texas race, trying to stave off the coal plants by slowing the process down until more Democrats get elected in Washington, D.C.

"There's a national movement by the utility companies to build coal-burning plants," says Dallas Mayor Laura Miller. "And the reason is coal is plentiful, coal is cheap and, unfortunately, coal pollutes the air aggressively."

Continue reading more online.

Another Form of Child Abuse-

2007-02-28T07:57:00.000-08:00

This past week a mother in London was able to keep custody of her 8 year old, 218 pound, son. Hopefully she will take the court's orders seriously and help her son to eat a healthy diet and exercise.

In my opinion, parents who allow their children to eat whatever they want, whenever they want, are committing another form of child abuse. This poor boy's health will be impacted for his entire life by his weight if something isn't done about it. Even if he loses weight, it is unknown what the effects of his weight have already had on his internal organs.

The other day while riding on public transportation, I saw a family of four-mother, father, son, daughter. All of them were severely overweight. The mother and father were far over 200lbs, and the children, who seemed to be 8-10 years old, were each at least 130 pounds despite the fact that they were only around 4'6. I think that doctors should be more aggressive in telling parents of overweight children that they are to blame, that they need to toughen up, and that they (in my opinion) committing a form of passive child abuse. I know this sounds extreme, but if a person allows their child to become obese, is that not abuse? I believe it is Passive Abuse--the result of a parent unable to say no. If the child has a genetic disorder, that is a different matter, however the majority of children who are obese ARE NOT suffering from genetic disorders.

See the article below from the Canadian Press:

Overweight 8-year-old sets off child obesity debate in Britain
Published: Tuesday, February 27, 2007 | 5:35 PM ET
Canadian Press: THOMAS WAGNER

LONDON (AP) - A mother who feared she might lose custody of her obese eight-year-old son unless he lost weight was allowed to keep the boy after striking a deal Tuesday with social workers to safeguard his welfare.

The case has set off a debate over child obesity and raised questions about whether genetics, junk food or bad parenting is to blame. Connor McCreaddie, of Wallsend in northeastern England, weighs 218 pounds, four times the weight of a healthy child his age. Connor and his mother, Nicola McKeown, 35, both attended a child protection meeting Tuesday with North Tyneside Council officials.

Before it began, McKeown, a single mother of two, said she hoped she would not lose custody of her son.

Afterward, the Local Safeguarding Children Board issued a statement saying it "was able to confirm that its hope and ambition is to enable this child to remain with his family. In order to move this matter forward, we have made a formal agreement with the family to safeguard and promote the child's welfare."

The agency provided no details about what Connor or his mother would have to do to fight his obesity.

The hearing was held under the Children Act, which places a duty on the local authority to conduct an inquiry if it has "reasonable cause to suspect that a child . . . in their area is suffering, or is likely to suffer, significant harm."

The boy's case attracted national attention after his mother allowed an ITV News crew to film his day-to-day life for a month.

When he was 2½, Connor was too heavy for his mother to pick him up, and at age five, he weighed more than 126 pounds, said The Journal, a regional newspaper. Now the boy, who is tall for his age at five feet, wears adult clothes, the newspaper said.

Sky TV showed footage of Connor's mother serving him meals of french fries, meat and buttered bread. "He'll hover around the kitchen for food. He'll continually go in the fridge," McKeown said of her son. "I just keep telling him to get out of the fridge, wait until meal times and stuff. But . . . he was born hungry. He has always been hungry."

"Bacon. Mmmm. . . . That's my favourite. Um . . . chicken , steak, sausage," the boy told the camera.

Obesity is essentially caused by eating more calories than you burn. Obese people are sometimes thought to have lower metabolic rates than normal, meaning they need less food to maintain their weight. Childhood obesity is of particular concern because it greatly increases the risks of cardiovascular disease, diabetes, skeletal disorders and strokes. Certain cancers are also associated with obesity, and obese children have a higher chance of premature death.

Read the remainder of the article at CBC.

Raid in Greely, Colorado Will Leave Deep Scars

2007-02-19T22:38:00.000-08:00

Once again our Administration has effectively sent a message that if you (1) look like an alien or (2) are an alien, you will be terrorized, disrespected and stripped of your civil rights.

What many may not know is that if you have entered the United States, even illegally, you have constitutional rights. Only those who have not yet entered and are seeking admission are denied Constitutional Rights. Even those seeking admission may not be detained for an unreasonable amount of time. Certainly the raids of several companies, Swift & Co was that raided in Greely, were far beyond reasonable.

ICE has become an agency aimed at terrorizing both documented US residents and undocumented aliens.

See the excerpt of "Lockdown in Greely" from THE NATION magazine's February 26th, 2007 issue.

Lockdown in Greeley
by MARC COOPER

Greeley, Colorado
On the northern edge of this frozen-over city of 90,000 halfway between Denver and Cheyenne, Swift & Co.'s beef processing plant squats like a windowless concrete bunker alongside the snow-covered railroad tracks. The winter air hangs heavy with the stench of animal waste. And the three strings of barbed wire atop the chain-link fence that girdles the facility give the hulking complex all the appeal of some forsaken, remote prison. Nevertheless, the steam snaking high and gently from the plant's smokestacks has for several decades served as a beacon of hope and promise for thousands of immigrants, mostly Mexican, who have come north looking for a better life.

[]

At least until December 12, the holiday celebrating the appearance of the Virgin of Guadalupe. What materialized in front of the Swift gates that morning was more like a vision of hell. Shortly after 7 am a half-dozen buses rolled up with a small fleet of government vans, which unloaded dozens of heavily armed federal agents backed by riot-clad local police. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents sealed off all entrances and exits and formed a perimeter around the factory. Then others barged inside and started rounding up the whole workforce.

Some of the frightened workers jumped into cattle pens; others hid behind machinery or in closets. Those who tried to run were wrestled to the ground. Sworn statements by some workers allege that the ICE agents used chemical sprays to subdue those who didn't understand the orders barked at them in English. The plant's entire workforce was herded into the cafeteria and separated into two groups: those who claimed to be US citizens or legal residents and those who didn't.

While the Greeley plant was being locked down, more than 1,000 ICE agents simultaneously raided five other Swift factories in Texas, Iowa, Nebraska, Utah and Minnesota. By the end of the day, nearly 1,300 immigrant workers had been taken into custody--about 265 of them from Greeley. Department of Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff boasted that the combined raids amounted to the largest workplace enforcement action in history. ICE Assistant Secretary Julie Myers would later claim that Operation Wagon Train, as the raids were dubbed, dealt a major blow in the "war against illegal immigration."

Now critics of the raids--workers, union reps, clergy, community leaders, policy analysts and lawyers--wonder what the high-profile sweep accomplished other than to traumatize a few hundred Latino families and to cost Swift an estimated $30 million in lost production. If anything, it starkly reveals, once again, a federal immigration policy completely detached from economic and social realities and a Bush White House incapable of moving ahead with much-promised reform. "What has changed because of all this?" rhetorically asks Francisco Granados, a Greeley businessman and volunteer providing relief services to the affected families. "Nothing. Nada. The whole system is set up to make you lie."

Read the remainder of the article online.

Federal Judge Tells the Dept. of Agriculture to Do Its Job!

2007-02-14T13:18:00.000-08:00

The Center For Food Safety Press Release (portion of article)

FEDERAL COURT FINDS USDA ERRED IN APPROVING GENETICALLY ENGINEERED ALFALFA WITHOUT FULL ENVIRONMENTAL REVIEW

February 14, 2007

Precedent-setting Decision May Block Planting, Sales of Monsanto Alfalfa

Washington, DC (February 14, 2007) - In a decision handed down yesterday, a Federal Court has ruled, for the first time ever, that the U.S. Department of Agriculture failed to abide by federal environmental laws when it approved a genetically engineered crop without conducting a full Environment Impact Statement (EIS).

In what will likely be a precedent-setting ruling, U.S. District Court Judge Charles R. Breyer of the Northern District of California decided in favor of farmers, consumers, and environmentalists who filed a suit calling the USDA's approval of genetically engineered (GE) alfalfa a threat to farmers livelihoods and a risk to the environment. Judge Breyer ordered that a full Environmental Impact Statement must be carried out on "Roundup Ready" alfalfa, the GE variety developed by Monsanto and Forage Genetics. The decision may prevent this seasons sales and planting of Monsantos GE alfalfa and future submissions of other GE crops for commercial deregulation.

Read the Remainder of the Article:
http://www.centerforfoodsafety.org/Alfalfa_DecisionPR2_14_07.cfm

Read the District Court Opinion by Judge Breyer (brother of Supreme Court Justice Breyer):
http://www.centerforfoodsafety.org/pubs/Alfalfa%20Decision%202-13-07.pdf

NEW BOOK OF INTEREST: Left Ahead, The Beginning Times

2006-12-10T14:56:00.000-08:00

If you answer any of these three questions affimatively, you should buy the new book: Left Ahead, the Beginning Times by Hale Amity.
1) Do you hate Tim LaHaye's Insane Views on Christianity?
2) Are you looking for a fresh perspective on Christian views and a critique of right-wing, exclusionary, views?
3) Are you curious to know more about what it means to be Left Ahead?

Please visit the books website: www.left-ahead.com to read excerpts of the book and to buy a copy.

The book was self-published by an amazing author, who has spent the last few years perfecting the story. The book is written as a fictional story, but has many metaphors to real life battles regarding what it means to be "christian" and to be a "sinner."

The book Left Behind scared thousands of people into believing that they would be damned....Left Ahead is an answer to the insane interpretations of the bible in that book.

The Author has this to say about his book:
Bill Moyers' watershed interviews with Joseph Campbell in 1988 taught me about the power of myth. I understood, for the first time, why stories matter -- how stories carry a deep meaning for the storytellers who seek to locate themselves and define their purpose within the vastness of Creation.

I offer the following as an alternative to a story that is currently moving within a segment of the American public. The story is an old one -- dating back nearly two millennia -- but recently, in the hands of religious fundamentalists, it has been given a fearful modern twist.

Left Ahead is an invitation to reexamine the mythology that is guiding our culture and influencing our politics. It is a new look at the Apocalypse -- a whimsical story of what might happen if Americans changed their expectations of God.

Hale Amity
August 2006

Carving New Paths

2006-11-10T18:00:00.000-08:00

Shallow Stream, Yosemite, Summer 2006

I haven't written much in the past several months--and when I do write it is usually about something less than uplifting. So despite all the setbacks, challenges, and general stressors, things are still generally good. Repeating what an anonymous blogger wrote: No matter how hard the surface is, no matter how much damage it seems to do, water is always stronger. It will always carve it's path.

Here is to Carving New Paths:

(1) The Democrats have the Senate and the House!
(2) A dear friend will be leaving a bad work situation--entering a much better one!
(3) A burden has been lifted, and is now far away (see earlier poem about concrete)
(4) I have reconnected with family, that I missed very much!
(5) I haven't yet signed my soul over to a giant law firm...(rejections are sometimes a good thing)
(6) I have the most wonderful boyfriend in the world, who supports me every day and gives me much needed hugs when I have a hard day--may we continue to carve two intertwined paths.

Lost Time Perception

2006-10-26T10:18:00.000-07:00

For the first time in my life, I have been so busy that I have actually developed a sort of short-term memory loss co-mingled with a loss of time perception for brief moments.

Ex. Riding on the train to and from law school, I will often be so "in my head" that when I come out of it, I either (1) think that a great amount of time has passed, and that I may have missed my stop, only to realize only a minute or so has passed, or (2) I will think that only a minute has passed and infact, 7 or so minutes have passed.

The short-term memory loss comes into play when I am attempting to keep a clear train of thought. I am easily pushed "off the track" and then it takes me a second to remember what I was saying.

Concrete

2006-09-21T23:24:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it feels
like you are concrete
pouring over me,
solidifying,
and trying to hold me back
from living.

I keep breaking through
but the pressure,
the weight of your words
is breaking my branches,
wilting my petals,
and drowning my roots.

I ask you to stop
at least take a break
so I can breath a moment.
But you aren't listening,
you are trapped inside
your necessary fictions.

Review: "Little Miss Sunshine"

2006-08-27T17:53:00.000-07:00

You Must See This Film! I will be disappointed in those people who don't go to the movies and see this film.

I haven't laughed so hard in literally years. I don't remember the last time a movie made me laugh so hard. Save this gem for a day when you need a break from the stress of the every day, the whining of your boss or co-workers, or when you simply just need a good laugh. I think this is a masterpiece and I will probably see it again in the theatres (which for me is unheard of).

Plot:
Family of four, plus grandpa, plus uncle all drive to California so that the daughter may enter in a beauty pagent (she has already won the New Mexico beauty pagent). In the journey to California the family faces some challenges, both emotional and mechanical (with the volkswagon bus) which highlight some of their family issues, but also bring them closer together.
This is not a cheesy film. This film has been said to have "dark" humor but I really think the humor is not quite so dark at all. This may be a matter of opinion, so let me know when you see it.

A New Role

2006-08-24T22:55:00.000-07:00

No one to wipe your nose
when it's running down your lip.
That salty taste of infection
is now your reminder, that she's not there.

You're all grown up now-
and you worry about taking care of her,
now that she can't take care of you.

Wishing, just wishing you could go back.
Back to the days when she brought you soup,
warm and steaming, with crackers and juice.

The hands that tucked you in and wiped your tears
are three thousand miles away
and need some help, getting through the week.

Please let me return, for a moment
to that warm pillow and bowl of soup
before the roles reverse.

_____
I wrote this poem a while ago, but I felt like re-posting it because the same feelings are resurfacing at this time in my life, again and again. There are some dark feelings that I often wish would sink to the bottom of those murky waters of my mind, but instead they re-emerge and resurface like a dead body wanting to be found.

Oh Mr. Fish, I love your witticisms

2006-08-22T18:09:00.000-07:00

First Alpine Climb!

2006-08-16T11:05:00.000-07:00

View of Matthes Crest, Yosemite

I have been indoor rock climbing for almost two years now, but before a week ago I had only been outdoors once. The reason for this is that in order to climb outside, you must make a pretty large investment in equipment. Therefore, I am reliant upon the generosity of other climbers that already have this equipment.

On Sunday I climbed Matthes Crest in Yosemite with my boyfriend, his uncle, and a mutual friend. Matthes Crest overlooks Echo Lake to the west, which is a 5-6 mile hike from Tuolumne Meadows. It was my first Alpine climb. We scaled over 1000 feet. Once we were at the top, we were about 10,000 feet above sea level. We started hiking up the mountain at around 7:30am and didn't return to camp until about 6pm that night---with no real rests!

Looking at the image above, we hiked to the right side of the crest, scaled the right side with three pitches, then continued across the mountain (which included some upward climbs, some down climbs, and some horizontal walking/climbing.

Film Review: "Caché"

2006-08-01T22:36:00.000-07:00

J'ai vu le film "Caché" ce soir.
C'était magnifique! Si tu le vois, tu dois voir aussi la discussion avec le directeur du film, Michael Haneke. Le directeur explique ses motivations, ses pensées, ses stratégies en fait faire le film et aussi comment il veut que le voyeur approche le film. Surtout, le film te pousse à réfléchir sur les façons qu’on utilise à oublier le passé et survivre dans le présent.

J’espère que tout ça te semble cohérent. Ca fait longtemps depuis que j’écrivais en français.
____________________________
I truly enjoy films that require the viewer to think, even for several days, after the film has ended. I recently watched "The Swimming Pool" as well as "Natalie." Both films were excellent. "Swimming Pool" really amazed me. It was my interpretation that the young girl depicted throughout the film, is in fact not only dreamed up by the aging author, but represents her alter ego--that carelessness, sexuality, and freedom which she has lost and maybe never had. That film was so masterful that I wish I could re-experience my first time viewing it.

Photo of Michael Haneke:

Music Scene: Neko Case

2006-06-26T20:52:00.000-07:00

I usually don't write about my music interests, but today is a different day. Last night I saw Neko Case at Bimbo's 365 in San Francisco. She was amazing! I only found out about NC about three or four months ago. When I first listened to her music, I wasn't convinced. After listening to her album "Blacklisted" a third time, I heard it.

Her voice is both angelic and throaty, soft and deep. Her music style is considered 'blue grass' but those words don't reflect the complexity in her songs and voice. I highly recommend that you listen to Neko Case at least once. If you are like me and take three listens to hear the beauty of her voice, then listen to one of her albums three times.

Upcoming Tour Dates and Locations:
Tue 6/27 - San Francisco, CA @ Bimbo's 365
Wed 6/28 - San Francisco, CA @ Bimbo's 365 (just added!!!)
Thu 6/29 - Eugene, OR @ WOW Hall
Fri 6/30 - Portland, OR @ Crystal Ballroom
Sat 7/1 - Seattle, WA @ Moore Theatre
Sun 7/2 - Vancouver, BC @ Centre For The Performing Arts
Mon 7/3 - Victoria, BC @ ICA FolkFest
Wed 7/5 - Edmonton, AB @ Myer Horowitz
Fri 7/6 - Saskatoon, SK @ The Odeon
Fri 7/7 - Winnipeg, MB @ Winnipeg Folk Festival
Sat 7/8 - Winnipeg, MB @ Winnipeg Folk Festival
Thu 8/24 - Brooklyn, NY @ McCarren Pool
Sat 9/9 - Pioneertown, CA @ Pappy & Harriet's
Sun 9/10 - Los Angeles, CA @ Hollywood Bowl (w/Willie Nelson!)

Website: www.nekocase.com

Where It Breaks Down

2006-06-20T21:47:00.000-07:00

I am quickly learning that the majority of problems in relationships (of all kinds) result from one person assuming what the other person is thinking, OR assuming that he or she understands the problem before having bothered to listen.

Anger isn't rationale, that isn't disputed. But the feelings that led us to anger, may be rationale. The feelings that led us to feeling pain, may be rationale. Unfortunately, we sometimes confuse the rationality of the reaction with the rationality of the factors causing that reaction. This is where most men seem to write off women, and women's responses to feeling pain.

Unhelpful Phrases:
- "you are overreacting"
- "relax, you need to relax"
- "calm down"

Instead of focusing on soothing a person, we sometimes immediately initiate a counter-attack of excuses. But this approach is wrong, for several reasons. (1) If you have already hurt someone, and you can see they are in pain, that person doesn't want to hear your excuses for that behavior (2) a person in this state cannot understand an excuse, because all they feel is pain (3) it doesn't really matter why the person is hurt, it matters IN THE MOMENT that they are hurt, and that they are looking for caring words and not excuses.

The unfortunate result of these situations is that an argument is created when both parties aren't able to discuss the matter rationally, one being blinded by pain, and the other blinded by a defensive attitude.

But even when things have settled, and emotions have balanced, the next big problem occurs: one person assumes they already understand the problem before listening, OR they prematurely assert understanding after having feigned an open mind.

What we are giving our grandchildren...

2006-06-03T16:59:00.000-07:00

From: http://www.harpers.org

Small Victory for the Government....

2006-05-25T22:32:00.000-07:00

I got to hear this argument today...if you are interested in gun violence, and the participation of gun sellers/dealers in facilitating crime keep an eye on this company and the case pending against it.

_________________________________________________
Judge denies appeal from San Leandro gun dealer
Thursday, May 25, 2006

(05-25) 20:10 PDT San Francisco (AP) --

A judge on Thursday denied an appeal from the owner of one of Northern California's largest gun dealers to keep the federal government from revoking his license to sell firearms.

The U.S. Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives sought to revoke the license for Trader Sports Inc. chief executive Anthony Cucchiara after a five-year investigation uncovered allegations of repeated inventory and sales violations at the San Leandro store.

Cucchiara sued, claiming the government was illegally trying to intimidate gun buyers by driving him out of business for minor and inadvertent violation of gun laws.

After a hearing Thursday, U.S. District Judge Vaughn Walker denied Cucchiara's request for an injunction to keep the license revocation from taking effect June 1.

"We're disappointed," said Cucchiara's attorney, Malcolm Segal. "I fear that the business will be forced to close."

Trader Sports has been in business more than 35 years and is one of the state's biggest gun dealers, selling more than 3,500 weapons a year.

The Brady Center to Prevent Gun Violence recently issued a report identifying the store as the nation's second-largest supplier of guns used in crimes. In 2005, 447 weapons used in crimes were traced to the shop, the group said.

Segal argued that shutting down Trader Sports would harm hunters and law enforcement personnel who buy their guns and ammunition from the store. He also accused federal investigators of staging more inspections of his client's operations in a single year than is allowed by law.

But Walker said the arguments were not strong enough to warrant a preliminary injunction reversing the license revocation.

"Traders argues it will suffer numerous hardships," Walker said in handing down his ruling. "The court agrees it will face damages. (But) the motion for preliminary injunction will be denied."

Cucchiara has not decided whether to appeal the decision, Segal said. A hearing on the lawsuit itself is pending.

___

Information from: San Francisco Chronicle,

www.sfgate.com/chronicle

Jeunesse

2006-05-20T13:50:00.000-07:00

Often, in the afternoon,
trespassing through curtains
the sun
will remind me.

And I am tempted
to go to that place.

I would sit on my porch,
watch the children
playing in my neighbor’s yard.

The girl in the little red tennis shoes,
she glistened.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I finally found a series of poems I wrote in 2002...which I had thought were lost for good. Here is one of them.
When I was little, I used to go to daycare at this woman's house, and I would play in the backyard. The woman who lived next door to my nanny used to watch us through her window. One day she told my mother that she would always watch me "the girl in the little red tennis shoes" because I was always doing something interesting. Anyway, this poem is supposed to be through the eyes of that woman.

Distraction

2006-05-10T21:46:00.000-07:00

It has been several weeks now,
of non-stop hours in front
of this very screen,
and perhaps the work has served me well
..has served to distract me
from all the rest.

I can feel it coming back,
the realization that nothing
is in balance, and the weights
seem to be pulling me down,
while the walls collapse
all around me.

I should open the window
and breathe for a moment
perhaps my heart will stop racing.
My coffee is cold; layers of brown
rings formed inside the cup.
Back to the books and distraction.

Bunnies, the New Godzilla?

2006-04-11T13:07:00.000-07:00

Supposedly, Large Bunnies are taking over the world!!
In England, there is a renegade bunny stealing parsnips and dashing off before anyone can catch him! This "monstrous rabbit" has been "stalking a Northumberland village."

Andrew Norfolk writes for the Times Online:

The creature leaves behind huge footprints, has diabolically shaped ears and is proving the biggest threat to cabbages in the history of the local allotment. So strong that it is able to pull leeks and turnips fully out of the soil, the black-and-brown rabbit has already demolished a market stall’s worth of Japanese onions, parsnips and spring carrots.

I find it funny that people are honestly afraid of a bunny! I had flop-eared bunnies quite like the one shown (though not as large) and they were nothing close to scary! I certainly would never shoot at anything so harmless.

Scalia's, Not so Grand, Gesture

2006-04-05T10:21:00.000-07:00

In case you haven't already heard about this story...

Here is the letter:

Film: "Good Night and Good Luck"

2006-03-16T12:20:00.000-08:00

Last night I finally watched the film "Good Night and Good Luck" directed by George Clooney. The film is about Edward R. Murrow, (as well as many others at CBS) taking on McCarthy's sadist views on removing "communists" from our nation and proving that the news can acheive more than we usually expect of it. For people of my generation, the film reminds us of history we never lived through, but should be aware of in a way that is more intimate than the short description in our highschool history books.

The film was excellent, a big hoorah for Clooney. The film reminds us all of the importance of defending individual rights, and protecting reporters' and news agencies' rights to publish and report on issues not always positive toward the current administration, so they may do the job they were meant to do--show us what in the hell is going on around the world and not simply repeat goverment propaganda.

"We must not confuse dissent with disloyalty. We must remember always that accusation is not proof and that conviction depends upon evidence and due process of law. We will not walk in fear, one of another. We will not be driven by fear into an age of unreason, if we dig deep in our history and our doctrine, and remember that we are not descended from fearful men--not from men who feared to write, to speak, to associate and to defend causes that were, for the moment, unpopular."
--Edward R. Murrow.

Soaring Crime Rates

2006-03-14T08:16:00.000-08:00

In Oakland this year, crime rates have soared but no one has given any explanation.
Last night on the shitty evening news, Oakland's police chief spoke about reasons why a State of Emergency should be initiated to allow more desk officers to work on the streets. The Police Association is against the decision to declare a State of Emergency, stating reasons like disruption of officer's schedules. That excuse struck me as both weak and offensive.

My friends were held up at gun point outside their apartment last Friday. They live on a quiet and relatively safe street, or so they thought. The police will never find the two men who did it.
There are car breakins so often in this town, that everyone expects that their car will be looked-over for any small item of worth almost once or twice a week, if not more.

Citizens of Oakland put on a demonstration a week or so back, protesting against the rising levels of crime in Oakland and the lack of action put forth by the Oakland Police Department or the City in creating a game plan to reduce it.

The whole situation makes me so angry because it just makes Oakland look bad, when in fact Oakland is a great city for many reasons. There are a lot of good people living in Oakland, trying to make ends meet or keep their business running.

In 2004, there were 5151 reported violent crimes, 83 murders, 262 rapes, 2190 and 2616 aggravated assaults. There were 22185 "property crimes" 4324 of which were burglaries, 10984 larceny/theft and 6877 motor vehicle thefts. In addition, there were 266 arsons.
Statistics found at: http://oaklandca.areaconnect.com/crime1.htm

Also, if you compare San Francisco to Oakland, Oakland's crime rate is still much much higher than San Francisco.
http://oaklandca.areaconnect.com/crime/compare.htm?c1=Oakland&s1=CA&c2=San+Francisco&s2=CA

Oakland is also much higher than Los Angeles in almost every category except Assault, where Los Angeles beats Oakland.
http://oaklandca.areaconnect.com/crime/compare.htm?c1=Oakland&s1=CA&c2=Los+Angeles&s2=CA

These comparisons are based on number of crimes per 100,000 people. Los Angeles is a much bigger city, so of course the total number of each crime is higher but not as a percentage per 100,000 people.

I'd be curious to know if any other cities around the nation have had similar increases in crime in the past year? Are there reasons that have been put forth to explain the increase?

Something To Think On......

2006-03-02T17:35:00.000-08:00

This excerpt is from Craig MacAndrew & Robert B. Edgarton, Drunken Comportment: A Social Explanation 165, 173 (1969)

Author's Thesis:
"..the way people comport themselves when they are drunk is determined not by alcohol's toxic assault upon the seat of moral judgment, conscience, or the like, but by what their society makes of and imparts to them concerning the state of drunkenness...The moral, then, is this. Since societies, like individuals, get the sorts of drunken comportment they allow, they deserve what they get."

____________
When the authors say "they deserve what they get," they are referring to legal culpability and disallowing criminal defendants to use evidence of voluntary intoxication as a defense or as evidence that they did not have the requisite intent necessary to commit the acts of which they are accused.

I know that this book was written almost thirty years ago, but I was unfamiliar with this theory and I find it quite interesting.

More Police Activity at US Airports...

2006-02-14T13:09:00.000-08:00

Scott Stapp Gets Married, Arrested

"For Scott Stapp, the honeymoon was over before it even began.
Hours after the former Creed frontman tied the knot with beauty queen Jaclyn Nesheiwat in Miami on Friday, the rocker was rung up for public intoxication in Los Angeles.
Stapp, en route to his Hawaiian honeymoon, was stopped from boarding a plane at Los Angeles International Airport Saturday after airline personnel deemed the rocker "antagonistic" and "boisterous."

A spokesman for the airport police, Lieutenant Tyrone Stallings, said the rocker was arrested on suspicion of being drunk in a public place and taken to the Van Nuys station for processing.
According to TMZ.com, which first reported the incident, Stapp demanded a blood-alcohol test at the station, where he registered a 0.18--twice the legal limit.
Stapp, 32, eventually was freed and ordered to report for arraignment on Mar. 8."

From YAHOO NEWS! http://music.yahoo.com/read/news/29630080

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now considering an allegedly bi-polar man was shot at Miami International Airport this past year, and now the lead singer of Creed is getting arrested for being drunk, on his honeymoon no less, I am wondering what exactly is happening at our airports.

Interestingly Creed is also known as having huge Christian overtones in their lyrics, thought they don't claim to be a 'Christian Band.'

I have to say I'm a little shocked that Airport Security at LA International would waste their time arresting a celebrity for being drunk.

What Happened To...

2006-02-13T22:37:00.000-08:00

The five minute walk from the train to my door
at the end of the day
seems endless.

After ascending the stairs
my body gives in to the fatigue
and I collapse in the threshold
of my apartment.

After pulling myself up from the floor,
the kitchen beckons my stomach,
and the two co-conspire to
force me to run past the man
waiting for me in the doorway.

After satisfying my hungry belly,
I choose to comfort my weary body
by laying on the couch
and lose my head to the thought of
tomorrow’s tasks.

When I reach the bed
my only wish is to sleep,
sleep as deeply as possible
as quickly as possible.

And there goes another day
of neglecting the one I love
and forgetting that I ever
had any desires...

February 13, 2006

Written after a long day, and a long month with hardly any play after hours.
I miss owning my own thoughts…they are now enslaved by law school.

Always Forgetting....

2006-02-06T22:22:00.000-08:00

“We have shared the incommunicable experience of war.
We have felt, we still feel, the passion of life to its top.
In our youths our hearts were touched with fire.”
~Oliver Wendell Holmes

Oliver Wendell Holmes made this statement, referring to the Civil War. At that time men, women, and children were all face to face with war in the South. It was the last time our country felt the impact of war in our own homes, taking not only our men, boys, and fathers, but our communities. Yet we are taking all of this again, and losing it all again--but we forget, we deny, we look away and stare up at the television waiting for words of comfort from our President, words that never come.

Holmes' statement draws up sadness and pride...I think we have too much pride and not enough sadness.

I fear we forget these words, we forget the loss of so many men to war, we no longer taste the salty blood of wounds and the sour smell of dead bodies. This loss is too far from our doorways, no longer falling in the threshold of our homes. We are removed, too far removed, to feel this pain, until the letters come home telling us of our loss.

How I wish this war had never begun, and now I cannot picture its end.

Letter from Sullivan Ballou, Civil War

2006-02-06T21:36:00.000-08:00

I think this letter is beautiful. It is recited on the Civil War Soundtrack from the PBS series with Ashokan Farewell playing the background (one of my dear favorite songs).
I sometimes wish to bring myself closer to the sadness of war, since the media only brings us images of blood and bombs in ways that none of us can grasp. Often I think reading letters from soldiers to their loved ones, brings us closer than any other medium could ever hope...so here you are a letter written by Sullivan Ballou to his dear Sarah during the Civil War.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

July the 14th, 1861
Washington DC

My very dear Sarah:

The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days - perhaps tomorrow. Lest I should not be able to write you again, I feel impelled to write lines that may fall under your eye when I shall be no more.

Our movement may be one of a few days duration and full of pleasure - and it may be one of severe conflict and death to me. Not my will, but thine 0 God, be done. If it is necessary that I should fall on the battlefield for my country, I am ready. I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in, the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter. I know how strongly American Civilization now leans upon the triumph of the Government, and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and suffering of the Revolution. And I am willing - perfectly willing - to lay down all my joys in this life, to help maintain this Government, and to pay that debt.

But, my dear wife, when I know that with my own joys I lay down nearly all of yours, and replace them in this life with cares and sorrows - when, after having eaten for long years the bitter fruit of orphanage myself, I must offer it as their only sustenance to my dear little children - is it weak or dishonorable, while the banner of my purpose floats calmly and proudly in the breeze, that my unbounded love for you, my darling wife and children, should struggle in fierce, though useless, contest with my love of country?

I cannot describe to you my feelings on this calm summer night, when two thousand men are sleeping around me, many of them enjoying the last, perhaps, before that of death -- and I, suspicious that Death is creeping behind me with his fatal dart, am communing with God, my country, and thee.

I have sought most closely and diligently, and often in my breast, for a wrong motive in thus hazarding the happiness of those I loved and I could not find one. A pure love of my country and of the principles have often advocated before the people and "the name of honor that I love more than I fear death" have called upon me, and I have obeyed.

Sarah, my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me to you with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break; and yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me irresistibly on with all these chains to the battlefield.

The memories of the blissful moments I have spent with you come creeping over me, and I feel most gratified to God and to you that I have enjoyed them so long. And hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes of future years, when God willing, we might still have lived and loved together and seen our sons grow up to honorable manhood around us. I have, I know, but few and small claims upon Divine Providence, but something whispers to me - perhaps it is the wafted prayer of my little Edgar -- that I shall return to my loved ones unharmed. If I do not, my dear Sarah, never forget how much I love you, and when my last breath escapes me on the battlefield, it will whisper your name.

Forgive my many faults, and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless and foolish I have oftentimes been! How gladly would I wash out with my tears every little spot upon your happiness, and struggle with all the misfortune of this world, to shield you and my children from harm. But I cannot. I must watch you from the spirit land and hover near you, while you buffet the storms with your precious little freight, and wait with sad patience till we meet to part no more.

But, O Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you; in the garish day and in the darkest night -- amidst your happiest scenes and gloomiest hours - always, always; and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath; or the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by.

Sarah, do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for thee, for we shall meet again.

As for my little boys, they will grow as I have done, and never know a father's love and care. Little Willie is too young to remember me long, and my blue eyed Edgar will keep my frolics with him among the dimmest memories of his childhood. Sarah, I have unlimited confidence in your maternal care and your development of their characters. Tell my two mothers his and hers I call God's blessing upon them. O Sarah, I wait for you there! Come to me, and lead thither my children.

Sullivan

Phone Call

2006-02-05T23:08:00.000-08:00

There is always that call
you make just before
stepping out.

The one you made yesterday
but got no answer,
and all day long
you worried.

So today I picked up
and dialed-
and got through;
only to spend two hours
getting un-worried
and finding myself
destroyed at the end.

____

She told me today
that at night, when she lies in bed
she holds herself in those spots
just under the ribs and above the hips
where he used to lay his hands
and fall asleep.

She told me she misses him.
She misses his warmth at night
when she reaches over
and remembers
it has already been a year.

_____

Pet Peeves

2006-02-04T17:30:00.000-08:00

I have thought about doing a post about Pet Peeves for quite some time. I usually forget about the idea for months at a time, then return to it when something irks me. Please add your own pet peeves to comments, I love to see the little quirky differences between people in terms of what gets under our skin and what doesn’t! I think pet peeves say a lot about a person because they usually define the amount of patience, care, attention, and expectations one has of others and of oneself.

So here is my little list of Pet Peeves:
(1) TRAIN: When I am trying to exit the train (BART) and someone tries to literally walk through me instead of letting me out first.
(2) DOORS: When people allow the door to slam in my face instead of waiting an extra second to hold it open.
(3) EYE CONTACT: When I am talking to a person for an extended period of time and they are unable to make consistent eye contact with me, but instead look at my shoulder, earrings, or other random area on my body.
(4) SIDEWALKS: I absolutely can’t stand it when two or more people take over the sidewalk and cause me to walk in the street. I hate this!
(5) GROCERIES: I get a little peeved when I am at the grocery store and people block the aisles with their carts while they stare up at the shelves for what seems like hours.
(6) CONCERTS: There is always that guy who is just acting completely inappropriately or singing so loud that I can no longer hear the artist/band’s voice(s). I usually refer to this person as “that guy.”
(7) CELL PHONES: I can’t stand it when people yell on their cell phones at the coffee joint, on the train, on a plane, or anywhere else where I am enclosed and forced to be right next to them.
(8) COURTESY CALLS: Why in God’s name do they call these “courtesy calls.” They are anything but courteous and if they think I am going to talk to them when they have interrupted me mid-bite as I am trying to eat dinner, they are damn crazy.
(9) SHOPPING: I do not like it when I go to this particular store, and I have to almost beg the young woman to ring me up even though she is doing absolutely nothing. I think she actually gets mad when people want to buy something because it means she has to do something.
(10) NO RIGHT ANSWER: I have a couple of friends whom I dearly love but when they have a problem, there is absolutely no solution and no up-side. In my own life I have survived by looking at the possible solution or the positive aspects of a shitty situation. When I try this with these persons, they cut me off before I can get two words out.

The Plan All Along...

2006-01-19T20:43:00.000-08:00

What if Osama's plan all along was to only strike once, but to destroy the US long term politically and socially from within. Certainly that is exactly what is happening. We have destroyed the relationships with many of our former allies, we have created far more enemies, we have showed ourselves as a nation to no longer be a victim, but a perpetrator, and we have spent so much money on doing all this and waging war that our own social framework and our own citizens are also suffering (in addition to the hundreds of thousands of citizens of other nations). We have stripped our own citizens of rights, and have a god-like veiw of entitlement. No one needs to bomb us anymore, we are now doing the bombing and the killing and all in the name of what?? At what point do the costs outweigh the benefits, which are in question in and of themselves. Prime goal: kill people associated with the Taliban and Osama...but it seems like no one has really explained the framework or formula for deciding how much is too much! I think most people in America (myself included) would rather have spared all the lives lost post 9/11 and have kept the 81 billion (or whatever that number is now) and put that back into our own economy in a much more socially beneficial way, rather than only to large building companies and oil companies.

The US bombing of a small village outside of Islamabad in the tribal community of Bajaur, is a prime example of how Osama (if he did have such a plan or thought) was successful in getting the US to do his dirty work for him. It is reported that the CIA is behind the bombing, but I haven't read anywhere that it is conclusive. The US military has denied the attack. However, apart from that, the view is that the US is behind it and that is the important part...for now. At least 18 people were killed in the bombing today, which only adds to the thousands of Iraqis killed by US troops, many of which were not combattants but civilians.

Thank you to Reidski for calling my attention to the bombing.

Memoirs of What??

2006-01-18T20:45:00.000-08:00

I wish I hadn't gone. I wish I hadn't seen the movie, but I did. I went to see Memoirs of a Geisha, the film. Unlike some other readers I know, I read the novel the week before I saw the film. This had an unexpected result: I noticed every single difference in the film.

To begin with the positive attributes: the film from an aesthetic point of view was beautiful. Certainly many images would make good screen savers and wallpapers. I did think that the camera angles throughout the film and the lighting were not quite as flawless. The costumes were also breathtaking, and certainly gave the impression that someone had done their research. The textures of each kimono worn seemed to demonstrate the level of each geisha or maid or other character. I did appreciate this.

So to get to the dirt. As I am sure many of you already know, most of the actors and actresses in this movie are not Japanese, but Chinese. This main explain why the movie was not filmed in Japanese with subtitles. The film would have really benefitted if it was in Japanese, though it would not have fixed everything. At least the characters would been speaking English with Chinese accents and trying to pronounce Japanese words from time to time, which comes across as nothing but absurd. Perhaps Sony Pictures rather has famous actors that look Japanese than casting Japanese actors who are less well known but in my opinion, could add immensely to the film. In fact, I think this film would have been better (aside from the language issue) with less well known actors. After seeing the same actors again and again, the viewer sees less and less of the characters these actors are portraying and more of the actor's film history. I didn't find any of the performances by any of the actors to be very good, just average.

The novel, was written from the point of view of Sayuri. The film, on the other hand, isn't really from any particular character's point of view. Many of the funny and interesting observations of Sayuri in the novel, are completely lost in the film. This flaw, though seemingly minute, really minimizes the intimacy with Sayuri and therefore strips away a lot of the charm that I found in the novel.

In addition, so much of the history of geisha, of WWII, and of the story itself are completely lost in this film. The relationships in the film are watered down and stripped of all the complexity Golden took so much care to create. That was the most dissappointing thing for me.

If you haven't read the book, go and read it.
If you haven't seen the film yet...wait till it comes out on video. Don't waste your $$ on the $8-10 movie tickets, unless cinematography interests you enough to waste that money.

If you agree or disagree please leave a comment. I enjoy reading all types of feed back from readers.

Memoirs of a Geisha

2006-01-11T14:25:00.000-08:00

I just finished reading Memoirs of a Geisha and I am soon going to watch the film. There are many things about this story that I find interesting and worth discussing. FIrst, I would like to applaud the writing of Arthur Golden. Secondly, I would like to discuss the impact of this book upon me as a reader. After I see the film I will review it in a later post.

The Writing of the Novel:
It was an absolute pleasure to read this book. The writing is creative and original. Many of the sayings in this book, I assume are common sayings in Japan. These sayings are a large part of the reason that I enjoyed the writing of the book. The story, too is wonderful because it reads as it if is a true story. Golden has definitely put in a great deal of effort and time in shaping his story and it shows. The novel also includes many historical tidbits. It is less clear who of the figures in the story are real and if any of the story was taken from real relationships between real geisha. This would be interesting to know and read more about. Having started and finished the book during a time when advertisements for the movie were popular, I had expectations of the direction of the story that simply were unfounded and therefore not met. What do I mean? Well, in the ad campaign for the movie, one is drawn to believe that a love story is at the heart of the story. This is not really true. The book focuses very little attention on the love story between Sayuri and the Chairman. In fact, of any of the relationships throughout the book including Sayuri and Mameha, Sayuri and Hatsumomo, Sayuri and Nobu, and Sayuri and Pumpkin, we know the least about the relationship between the Chairman and Sayuri once it has really begun as a romance. This is perhaps the only thing that I felt Golden really gave up on. His attentions to detail throughout the book on the life of a geisha do not follow with the relationship between Sayuri and the Chairman. In many ways I could see the story ending simply with the first intimate discussion between the Chairman and Sayuri but instead Golden lures the reader in a little more only to give a very choppy and rushed ending. This last section of the book (perhaps the last 30 pages or so) should almost have been left out completely because it didn't add anything to the story. The only way it could have added something is if it was extended and written with the same attention and care as the rest of the novel.
If I had to rate this book, I would give it an A (Not an A + simply because of the ending).

The Impact of This Novel Upon Me
As a woman, this novel was much more to me than an excellent novel. Throughout the book, I paid a good deal of attention to the etiquette of the geisha, trying myself to improve my own manners and etiquette. Although I would never wish the life of a geisha upon any woman, there are many aspects of the art of geisha that I have to appreciate (only when they are separated from all the negative aspects of it all). One example is how the geisha used their voices, movements, and eyes to have an impact on men. They were not strippers, they didn't perform sexual acts in front of other men. The relationships they had with men were private and there was some shred of respect for the women. There is one moment in the film where Sayuri is told how the way she pours sake can mean so many things. Foremost she was told how to show the under-side of her forearm to accentuate the feminine delicacy of her arm. This really struck me and I won't ever forget it. Recently, mainly while reading this book, I have been thinking about how the female form has lost something when it is openly displayed and often in a crude way, to others. I am speaking of the women and girls who wear clothes that are so revealing they leave nothing to the imagination. I often wish that the "mystery of the female form" the essence of it was kept more private because perhaps then it would be valued in a different way. I am not saying that all porn or nude art work etc should be stopped. There are certainly ways to display the body which are not crude but quite beautiful. However, I find that pornography can really de-value the female form by making it too accessible, too exposed. Although in the past, women were too covered by clothing and the ability to wear what one wants is in fact a huge privilege, I find that we have lost something in this change. The lines and forms of the female body are not "displayed" like art work the way the geisha are really pieces of art work, they are exposed and sold in a cheap and really tasteless way. I am sure many people will disagree with me on this, but oh well. I really just hope that there are some men that still appreciate when women maintain a mystery, to be unveiled when intimacy begins. I am not talking of prudeness or virginity or any of that crap. I am simply talking of allowing others to visually consume you in a nice five course meal instead of buffet style where everything is layed out on the table at once so as to not allow any one piece of food to stand out and be valued, consumed, and enjoyed by itself.

All of this babbling is how the book impacted me and I am sure that all of my views here may be personal but hopefully interesting to some of you.

Soon I will see the film and offer my comments on it.

Taking A Break

2005-12-15T12:50:00.000-08:00

I will be taking a break from bloggerville for a while, so I won't be updating any of my blogs.
I will still read others blogs...and comment!

Happy Holidays!

Old Wooden Fences

2005-12-06T17:36:00.000-08:00

Old Wooden Fences

One of my favorite things to photograph, are old, wooden fences. I feel lucky to find those that are barely standing with several missing posts. I like their fragility and strength, their ability to stand alone and proud, through empty fields of wheat or uncut grasses, and their weathered wisdom of watching decades pass. Their foundation is strong, their wood sturdy and solid. It is evident that no one has paid them any care, and yet they don’t ask for any. They still function as a divider, but without the harsh, prison like, feeling of ten foot high metal fences, or fort-like wooden spears pointing to the sky. I sometimes wonder if these fences, their worn posts, and rusted nails, were ever painted over in white or dark brown. Did the land-owner build them himself or did a local carpenter come and construct it. Most of all, I am grateful that they still stand, that no one has yet knocked them down to replace them with more offensive and isolating walls. I hope one day, to buy a house, with an old wooden fence, which I’ll let stand just as it is.

This post also appears on ELLA'S POEMS

New Photos: Lake Tahoe & San Francisco

2005-12-01T21:16:00.000-08:00

New Photos Are Up at Angles and Light!

Here are two photos from the collection:

Glassy Waters, Fallen Leaf Lake, (Tahoe Area) CA

Dock at Camp Richardson's, Lake Tahoe, CA

To view the rest of the collection, please visit: http://www.anglesandlight.blogspot.com

New Photos

2005-11-29T21:32:00.000-08:00

Please visit Angles and Light to see some of the new photos I have uploaded. Here is one of the new ones.

"Gray Petals"

Bay Area Belly

2005-11-20T20:58:00.000-08:00

If you love cooking and food in general, please to visit my blog Bay Area Belly (http://www.bayareabelly.blogspot.com) for recipe ideas, restaurant reviews, market reviews and more!

Recent Posts:

Rock Shrimp Risotto
The Hint to a Perfect Omelette
Pumpkin Apple Muffins
Cream of Carrot Soup

Perfect Holiday Presents

2005-11-20T20:41:00.000-08:00

Are you already stressing out about the holidays and unsure how you are going to get through another year buying presents for family you see often and family you hardly see?

Well here are some ideas!
First: For the Person that Loves to Cook!
Round up any empty and clean Mason jars you have around the house. If you don't have any you can buy them at craft stores such as Micheals. Then collect any old ribbon you have lying around, or if you knit/crochet any left over colorful yarns.
Look up some recipes, for example a chutney recipe or jam. In this month's edition of Cooking Light, there was a delicious recipe for Cherry, Cranberry, Walnut Chutney. We were making some for Thanksgiving anyway, so I used some extra to give as a gift to our landlord. Below you can see I used a small, old, honey jar and some leftover yarn. I then cut out a rectangle from a paper bag from the grocery store, folded it, punched a hole in the top left corner, and wrote a little message inside.

Second: For the Person that Loves Food, But Doesn't Have Time to Cook!

I personally live in an area with lots of great food stores and farmer's markets with local foods (gourmet and non-gourmet). When I was shopping today at our favorite store, an independantly run health food store, I noticed that there are tons and tons of gourmet items like tapenade, chutney, barbeque sauces and marinades as well as many other "local" items that my family (back east) would never be able to find. You can also grab holiday items like cookies, gourmet hot chocolate mix, or teas. If you have extra baskets at home, round those up. Otherwise hit up a craft store and buy some small, inexpensive, wooden baskets. Place three to four items in a basket et VOILA! Decorate with yarn or ribbon.

Movie Review: "In America"

2005-11-18T21:47:00.000-08:00

Tonight I finally watched the movie "In America." As the director writer said "It is about letting pain go."

So much of life seems to be about letting pain go and letting new life in, and this film presents that common thread we all share in a very sweet, funny, and realistically sad story.

Plot:
A family of four (a couple and two young girls Ariel and Christine) moves to America from Ireland so that the father may follow his dream to become an actor. But the family has recently lost their only son and the pain still lingers within each of them. The family faces new challenges as they try to acclimate in one of Manhattan's not so forgiving neighborhoods. In their apartment complex lives another young man, Matheo, who is afflicted with his own burdens, which are revealed in the movie. The young girls form a bond with Matheo that ends up helping the whole family.

The actors in this film are all excellent. The story is true, and without even knowing that you can feel the story's reality. I recommend "In America" to those seeking a thought provoking film. It deserves your complete attention, so please immerse yourself in it without distractions.

Separate But Equal, Is Another Phrase for Unequal

2005-11-16T23:50:00.000-08:00

Yesterday in one of my law classes, we were asked to debate the issue of gay rights to marry. The idea to debate this issue was, already, an invitation for disaster. I attend law school in the Bay Area, so as you may imagine the views here about gay rights, for the majority, are for extending those rights. Our professor posed a question, during the debate, to the entire class. The question being, "Is the question of allowing marriage for homosexual relationships a question of civil rights?" Interestingly enough, the class was mostly silent, which I found shocking. So many people, liberal and conservative alike, squabble over the issue of gay rights to marriage and yet this question was given little in the way of comment. I, of course, had something to say. Something which I felt was neither hugely intelligent nor hugely original.

Yes, the right of gays to marry, as heterosexual couples do, is plainly a civil rights issue because marriage is a civil right. Some people perhaps believe that there is no comparison between civil rights issues, (for instance racial issues surrounding segregated schools, or the right to vote,) and gay rights. But how can one not see the glaring similarities.

What the Right to Marry Entails:
Taken from the decision in Baker v. State of Vermont, the court summarizes exactly what tangible benefits, rights, and protections are not given to people who are in homosexual relationships:
The court stated, "In denying [the plaintiffs] access to a civil marriage license, the law effectively excludes them from a broad array of legal benefits and protections incident to the marital relation, including access to a spouse's medical, life, and disability insurance, hospital visitation and other medical decisionmaking privileges, spousal support, intestate succession, homestead protections, and many other statutory protections." Baker v. State, 170 Vt. 194 (Vt. S.Ct. 1998.

The counter argument to giving gays the right to marry is founded on the idea that the State of Vermont has an 'interest in promoting the "link between procreation and child rearing." Baker, 170 Vt. 194. It is unbelievable that this was the argument, the way of masking the religious beliefs that people have concerning the nuclear family and how to maintain it.

Austin Cline, in his summary of gay rights and marriage, said the following:
"In debates over gay marriage, there is a lot of focus on the various legal rights which same-sex couples miss out on because of their inability to marry. If we take a closer look at those "rights," however, we find that they are primarily about helping couples care for each other. Individually, the rights help spouses support each other; taken together, they help society express the importance of being a spouse and the fact that marrying changes who you are and your status in the community."

Those rights are not just about helping or pushing a couple to care for one another, those rights are also about the "community" treating that union with respect and giving or upholding that couple's right to be treated as spouses when at the hospital, at their child's school, at church, at work, etc. So much of a union is economic and legal questions pertaining to marriage such as intestacy statues and other state and federal laws concerning spousal survivorship rights are much more important than some people may realize.

In addition, in tort actions for wrongful death. In most states, same-sex partners are unable to bring an action for wrongful death or loss of consortium for their partner. If they are not named in a will, they are even less likely to be compensated.

However, I think that Cline's mention of "community" is well founded. The ferocious attacks against same-sex couples marrying is based on notions of community and the relationship between marriage, family, and the health of the community as a whole. Some people view same-sex marriage as a disease, that may spread once a community is "infected." For those people whose religious beliefs tell them to scorn same-sex relationships, marriage is a large part of life, a life which is based on religious teachings that tell them same-sex relations are wrong.

State Constitutional Amendments:
"The 17 states that currently have constitutional amendments defining marriage as between a man and woman only are: Alaska, Arkansas, Georgia, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Michigan, Mississippi, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon and Utah." Human Rights Campaign

Sadly, these constitutional amendments are not just barring same-sex marriages, they are often barring domestic partnership between even opposite-sex couples.
In Michigan and Ohio, domestic partners are denied benefits. "In March 2005, the state attorney general issued an opinion stating that local jurisdictions and governmental entities, such as school boards, are prohibited from offering domestic partner benefits to their employees." HRW

In addition, the amendments are raising questions about domestic violence laws pertaining to same-sex couples.

"The three states whose initiatives refer only to the granting of marriage licenses are Montana, Oregon (the one place where the vote was very close), and Mississippi. The states that used marriage as a cover to mount an assault on contractual relationships of all kinds were Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Michigan, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, and Utah." Boston.com News

Gender Issues:
If Same-sex couples cannot marry, who decides who is a man and who is a woman?
The question of barring gays from marrying also delves into other far more complicated notions of gender. For those people born beleving themselves to be women, though born men, who live their lives as women, they could not under our law marry a man because as we "biologically" define them, they are men.

HRC

"Gays Need Heterosexuals to Oppose Queer Crow' Laws"
"The Gay Marriage Deception"

Review: Côté Sud

2005-11-12T17:02:00.000-08:00

Côté Sud
4238 18th Street
San Francisco, CA 94144
http://www.cotesudsf.com/

Last night I was treated to a wonderful dinner at Côté Sud, a French restaurant in the Castro (San Francisco). The restaurant is on the second floor of a cottage like building. The outside and inside are painted in canary yellow and periwinkle. After you ascend the awkwardly steep stairs, the entrance brings you into the front room, which is open and airy. There is a bar (more for show) and small tables with simple white tablecloths. The design of the restaurant is simple and not at all snooty. We sat in the front room, which is an enclosed porch. You have a nice view of the street below and a fresh outside air (although slightly chilly if you are wearing very little). Below is a view of the front room.

So, on to the food.
For my first course I had the Risotto de crevettes (Risotto with Rock Shrimp). It was delicious. I have not had better risotto in my life. It was served in a shallow bowl, the risotto sitting in a pool of sauce w/ a slight shrimp taste. I used my bread to soak of the remaining sauce after I finished eating the risotto.

For my entrée, I had the Thon Ahi sauté servis sur une purée de panet avec coulis de tomates basquaise (Pan seared Ahi tuna served with a puree of parsnips and a coulis of tomatoes basquaise). Again, the presentation was very elegant and simple. The portion of tuna was small, but just right. The purée was delicate and light, very good.

Finally, I ended with the poached pear soaked in Port with cinnamon. This dessert comes in another shallow bowl, with a deeper pool of dark purple reduced port, in the center a dark purple, skinned pear. Very artsy! It was a nice light dessert, and dairy free (for those that don’t consume milk).

My date/boyfriend got the assiette de charcuterie, bouillabaisse, and lemon meringue tarte for dessert. He was equally satisfied and recommends the bouillabaisse most highly.

Service:
This is an authentic, French restaurant. The waiters are French, and you can hear the cooks speaking French in the kitchen! My kind of place. Our waitress was very nice and treated us well (which is not always expected being a younger couple and sticking to the less expensive wines).

There are coupons on the website for a free glass of champagne, which we took advantage of.

Her Tired Hands Are Beautiful

2005-10-30T22:05:00.000-08:00

Her tired hands are beautiful,
their sharp cracks and wrinkles
smoothed under the lotion
she applies before bed.

I'm too old now,
to nestle in the warm spot
between her shoulder and chin,
and fall asleep.

With tear drenched cheeks,
I'd look to her, and know
her smile would chase away
all my fears.

For all those years she raised me,
I was too busy to come home
raise my sleeves,
and dirty my hands.

And now all I taste
is the sour tears of guilt
running down my throat
making me sick with regret.

After years of running
as far as my feet could take me
I only wish
to click my heels and return home.

~Oct. 30, 2005

I wrote this thinking of my mother, who is the strongest woman I know.

The 50 Year Old Virgin: Harriet Miers

2005-10-30T09:06:00.000-08:00

Harriet Miers has been asked countless questions about her stance on a variety of topics, however the topic most covered has been her belief or disbelief in a woman's right to choose. We know that Harriet Miers is not married, I do not believe she has ever been married. Secondly, she has no children. Thirdly, she has a crush on a married man, President George W. Bush. (Can you picture her in a cat fight with Laura?) In sum, her sex life isn't looking to peachy. I don't think that she has what it takes to get good old Dubbya to do her in the oval office, Clinton style. (I apologize if this is too raunchy).

So, shouldn't the real question be: Has Harriet Miers ever had sex? Perhaps if she had a relationship, had a sex life, she would understand that birth control is not perfect and neither are human beings. Some women get pregnant easier than others, and sometimes you just slip up. More importantly, some women cannot use the pill because of blood disorders or because they smoke, and the risk of clotting is too serious. These women often use other forms of birth control, but forms that are not as effective as the pill. There is always a chance of pregnancy, no matter what.

So, back to my point about Harriet not having sex. If she has never had a sex life, never had a steady relationship, never taken the pill, never taken a pregnancy test while crossing her fingers that the result is negative, HOW IN THE HELL DOES SHE UNDERSTAND A WOMAN'S RIGHT TO CHOOSE?

If I could ask her any question, I would ask her the last time she had sex, and what type of birth control she uses. Then I would ask her what the effectiveness of the various forms of birth control are (none of them are 100%).

Then I would ask her what her thoughts on a woman's right to have sex are? Should we not have sex if there is a 2, or 5% chance we could become pregnant when not ready? What then?

If Harriet wants to make judgments about American Womens' private lives, I think we have a right to understand her private life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In response to a recent comment, I wanted to leave a message to alert readers that I am being sarcastic. Please, do not take this writing literally.

On a serious note, it is frightening how relevant politician's personal and sexual health is to their work and their beliefs. Our personal experiences and views of sex are highly correlative to our view of ourselves (either as man or woman). It is sad that men who beat or sexually assault women are given microphones and put upon stages to speak on their views of women's rights, abortion, and any family issue. While no person is perfect I do believe lines should be drawn. For instance, when I worked as an advocate at a police department, I was made to undergo a lie detector test and full background check. If a politician is given a government position, should he or she not undergo the same type of test to make sure that he or she is not bringing values into the government that we as a society do not condone?

Legal Fact of the Day

2005-10-27T16:24:00.000-07:00

Topic: Tort Law
Cause of Action: Loss of Consortium (Negligence/Wrongful Death)

Loss of Consortium is the loss of companionship, sexual relations, and other services.
A spouse may bring this action against the tortfeasor who has caused his or her spouse to be disabled or killed due to their own acts of negligence ( I believe it may exist for intentional acts as well).

Historical Fact:
Originally only a husband could sue for loss of consortium when his wife was tortiously injured. The reason for this was that the wife was viewed as a mere possession of the husband. The case was similar to an action for property damages.
Today, there is no such rule. A wife or husband may bring an action for the loss of their spouse.

Poorly Prepared: Hiking Mt. Rainier

2005-10-23T20:39:00.000-07:00

This is an old story, from the Summer of 2004, but I felt that it may be interesting and amusing for some to read.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was day 14 of a 17 day trip from Michigan to California. Adam and I reached Mount Rainer, Washington on July 6th around noon; with just enough time to fit in an afternoon hike. After setting up our campsite in the damp and cool underbrush of towering redwoods, we set off to hike the Skyline Trail, which was described as a strenuous hike. This was the fifth National Park we had visited, and the word strenuous no longer intimidated us, nor did mention of patches of snow. {Note here the word was "patches"} As we approached the main lodge, located at the base of Mount Rainer, it began to drizzle. The peak of the mountain was not visible, and became less visible as we grew closer. The cotton clouds and thick fog seemed to be on their way in, rather than out. Before heading off, we packed our day packs with plenty of water and some light snacks. Hesitating for a moment, contemplating the possibility of increased rainfall, we decided to cram our raincoats into our packs.
Five minutes into the hike, we find ourselves stepping over patches of snow and streams of runoff from the top of the mountain. Within 20 minutes, the patches of snow are no more. We are now trudging through layers of snow reaching at a minimum five to ten feet in depth. The trail is now marked by red flags and the fog allows only the visibility of about an eight yard radius. Of course, at this point we were amused by the terrain and excited by the fog. Our limbs were still warm and our feet were still dry, but not for long. Funny, the trail description didn’t mention this sort of landscape. After hiking for over an hour, having met no other hiker along the way, we began to get nervous. My legs had turned cherry red and my hiking boots were now small swimming pools for my toes. Not to mention, my summer hiking pants, were soaked and heavy with water. We were now trekking up steep snow covered mountainside, angled at 40-50 degree inclines. What had started as an exciting and unusual hike, mixed with laughter and happy conversation, was now a silent drudge combining grunts, sighs, and intermittent fighting.
We pulled out our flimsy paper map of the trail so many times, that the tattered folds were separating and disintegrating in the moisture of our palms. We had not yet reached the midpoint, and we debated over whether to turn around or to keep going. We kept going. The description of the midpoint included mention of a rest area and rest room. Perhaps we can go inside and get warm, we thought. Ironically, the midpoint rest area was under construction and there was a simple, barely welcoming, port-a-potty. Thankfully the cold air smothered the stench. Adam and I walked over to the elegant restroom, and huddled between its blue wall and the face of the rock wall beside it, barely shielding ourselves from the wind. We stood there a moment; long enough to empty some water from our boots. We then pressed on. This area of the trail included several areas of step incline, and therefore frequent areas of drop-off, where the flags were connected with yellow cording. Thankfully the fog blocked an honest view of what would be a long fall down the mountain if I were to lose my footing.
After about three and a half hours, we finished the trail, having met no one along the way. As we approached our car, we caught a glimpse of some hikers heading up to the trail. They were strapped with ice picks and crampons, water proof pants and quite an impressive amount of gear. Here we were, soaked through, tired, and yet oddly proud. We finished that trail with no special gear, no waterproof clothing, and certainly no crampons. Of course, we were also idiots. The lesson was to never trust a hiking guide when you are in the mountains.

Bathed in Grey

2005-10-17T22:36:00.000-07:00

Soothing to the eyes, and always so comfortable.
I have a grey shirt that always brings me peace.
A grey tee shirt that makes me feel good.
A grey sweater that warms me.

I have several photos of grey pebbles, that for some odd reason bring me a sense of calm. There is something clean about the color, clean and simple.

My mother always hated it when I wore a particular grey shirt with off-white buttons. It made me look pale. I agree, it isn't the most fitting color for my complexion. But it offers so much more than those shirts that "bring out the eyes." Maybe I like grey shirts specifically because they ask nothing of me. In fact, no one does. I don't have worry about using mascara or the right amount of blush to bring out the cheekbones. I will look pale no matter what, and I don't mind. I will blur into the background of city faces and stone buildings, dirtied sidewalks and bleached skies. No one asks me for anything. No one hollars at me while carrying a 40oz. No one even asks me for a quarter before I walk down the stairs to the subway.

~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~
I know this is perhaps the strangest entry I have ever written. But I had to.
I obviously wore grey today.

Hours of Laughs: Toothpaste for Dinner

2005-10-11T15:44:00.000-07:00

You must buy the book: "Toothpaste for Dinner."
http://www.toothpastefordinner.com

This is such a wonderful way to waste a half hour. The drawings in this comic book skillfully show emotions that often cannot be expressed in words. They are simple drawings, yet they strangely show so much expression and humor. If you need some humor at work or at home, these comics are the perfect addition to your collection of humorous knik-knacks.

The comics on workplace humor are the most amusing. They usually pinpoint the frustrating moments we all share, or the awkward experiences between bosses and employees or among co-workers that seem to happen far too often.

Thanks to the WONDERFUL Tim R. I have experienced hours and hours of enjoyment with this book.

100 Strokes of the Brush Before Bed: Review

2005-10-06T21:38:00.000-07:00

Personal Book Review of "100 Strokes of the Brush Before Bed."
Finished on 10-6-05

First Some Info:
This is Melissa P.'s first novel and was published (not written) when she was seventeen. Over 1,000,000 copies were sold. The book is considered an International Bestseller. In an interview with The Bookseller (UK) Melissa P. stated that she "discovered [herself] through sex." The book is categorized as a fictionalized memoir...leaving you to guess what is real and what is elaboration.

To start, I have two main questions:
--Who are the million + people that bought this book? ( I am honestly curious what the demographics of the people are who bought this book. What is the main selling point? It can't possibly be that people think it is good. The only reason I can understand is the mere scandel of it as well as the turn on for many. A book about a young teen having sex with men of varying ages, being raped, being the slut of up to 5 men at a time, is unfortunately going to be very appealing to many.

--Who did the translation? Does it do her writing justice?
I feel that the writing has been greatly harmed by the translation. If I spoke Italian, I could make the decision myself. Unfortunately I do not. Even if the writing style was improved, the substance is still heavily lacking.

All in all, I think that the idea of the book has potential, but that it failed miserably. The descriptions of sex and of her own feelings were lacking authenticity as well as originality. I felt like the descriptive words were repetitive (which isn’t surprising because it is difficult to come up with different words for the male “member” etc.). I am thoroughly sick of reading the words “my sex.” I was constantly aware of the fact that the author was a teen, and not an experienced writer.

There was a moment toward the end of the book, when I felt something somewhat interesting happening. Then I realized I was inserting meaning, where there wasn’t any. This was the moment, where I saw the potential of the story. It was a brief, brief, moment. The potential that I saw (which again is NOT implied in the book at all and doesn't seem to be in the author’s head whatsoever) is how many women and young girls are often more comfortable with being objects, than feeling like women or girls in a loving relationship. That we are so used to being judged and depicted and desired according to our physical characteristics, and our ability to project a fantasy...so much so that what should feel good and normal (love and respect) is often what we must grow accustomed to as we age. This idea, could have easily been developed alongside the narrative and would have added immensely to the book. Instead we have affair after affair ending with a very dissappointing and unrealistic relationship that develops faster than ice melts in the sun. The innocence of Melissa came through slightly, but was, in the end, still underdeveloped.

I suppose that is it. The book doesn’t deserve any awards...but will remain (I am sure) on the top 10 list for men who are closeted pedophiles.

First Climb at Castle Rock SP: Goat Rock

2005-10-02T20:20:00.000-07:00

Today, after many months of climbing indoors, I finally made it outdoors to the real thing. I planned the trip with a guide (husband and wife team) based out of Santa Clara, called Epic Adventures, www.climbepic.com.

We spent the day at Goat Rock, and I got in about six or seven climbs. I also got a feel for how to climb outdoors and I survived my first huge overhang (when done falling several yards away from the wall) which scared the life out of me. I climb mostly 5.10A,B,C at the gym but outside I was climbing 5.7s and 5.8s. All in all it was a great experience.
The guide we went with was awesome, a real pro who knows his stuff but isn't arrogant. I would recommend Epic Adventures to anyone.

At the end of the day we repelled down the side of the rock, and learned how to set up a top rope. I know what's on my Christmas list: CLIMBING GEAR!

I can't wait till I'm good enough with the gear to go down and set it up myself. Talk about a release of stress and getting your mind off the everyday crap. I will definitely treat gym climbing a little differently now, and will be less afraid of the meager overhangs.

Late Nights

2005-09-28T00:51:00.000-07:00

That time has finally arrived; the days that don't seem to end, and the long hours of studying and typing up briefs.
"Hello Reality, I've been waiting for you."

I cannot get through a half hour of life without thinking about law. I watched Seinfeld last night, when Kramer gives the homeless man food in a tupperware, and the homeless man doesn't want to give back the tupperware. I think to myself how Kramer should have been more explicit when he offered the food, in the container, but didn't "gift" the container. Perhaps he should have just given the food in a paper plate, so as to avoid the situation altogether.
Yesterday I found a MUNI ticket on the floor, behind a classmates seat who had left. Guessing the probably owner, I hold the ticket and notify the person. What does my mind race to? Bailments...and Acquisition by Find. I conclude that we can view the action like a bailment, whereas the only person benefiting is the ticket owner, not me, the bailee. Therefore, I am held to the lowest standard of care, because there has been no formal negotiation.

My brain has warped into the 1L frenzy of words I still feel clumsy with and concepts that I can only barely get my head around.
Luckily I am able to keep my mouth shut, closing off the never ending stream of legal mumbo jumbo from those of my friends who could really give a damn.

So, this is the update I suppose (on going that is) of my first year of law school.

Tip of the day for other law students: make eye contact with your professors. I have noticed that it not only tells them you are NOT checking email (though you are anyway) but that you respect them...therefore increasing their security and hopefully keeping them from calling on you. The strategy is look attentive and prepared and they usually won't pick on you.

In those hours

2005-09-24T18:53:00.000-07:00

In those hours,
just after midnight
when I feel the strain of the new day
quickening my breath
I think of you
and all I've missed
in the years between.

I'll never get back
that time
filled with anger
when I said so many things
without you in mind.

And the only thing
that keeps me from shivering
is to know
that you understood,
years before I could begin,
and your strength
has carried me through.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I dedicate this poem to my parents, and the years between refer to those years after the divorce, when we were all "separated" in many ways from one another, and before we (my parents and I) reconciled with eachother after years of bitterness. I think that they, as much as I, wish to get those years back.

Stay Here

2005-09-24T18:41:00.000-07:00

Stay here with me,
my ear to your chest,
and the weight of the day
lifting.

I want to remember
your features, soft in the light,
and your breath warm
with a faint smell of sugar.

I cannot let go,
until the morning mist rises
and the sun beams
gently dance on your cheek.

In that moment I'll know,
your love is as real as the pain
I no longer remember
feeling just hours ago.

Just Fall In

2005-09-19T18:23:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you need to fall-
break a piece of yourself,
just to regain feeling throughout the other limbs.

Sometimes you need to collapse-
come face to face with the pitiless earth,
find yourself struggle to stand
and embrace the challenge to breathe.

Because that feeling, of oxygen pumping
back into your muscles,
the rush of blood to the head,
and the bruises left on your shins
are all a reminder
that you can survive it all.

9/19/05

What Life Brings

2005-09-15T15:11:00.000-07:00

New Pattern

2005-09-11T21:07:00.000-07:00

From Citrus Moon

First Week as a 1L

2005-08-24T22:41:00.000-07:00

Well, I have officially finished my first full week of classes as a 1L (first year law student). In many respects I feel that today should be momentous-and yet it remains like any other day. However, in order to make it significant in some small way, I wanted to write a posting.

The requirements to feeling like a real 1L have already been satisfied in just the first week, namely feeling like an idiot, being confused, and reading passages over again and again as if I had never read it to begin with. But, I exaggerate a bit. It hasn't gotten bad yet. I just know that these first couple of classes are deceptively easy. I have this feeling that in a couple of weeks, when we are supposed to remember what an intentional tort is, but instead blank out for five minutes, class won't be as easy and welcoming. I will soon find out, as will all of my class mates.

Incase you are curious about the definition of an intentional tort, here goes (before I forget)

Tort: wrongs for which there is compensation, a civil matter brought by plaintiff (versus criminal charges) (examples, suit for battery or assault)

Intent: (a) desire or purpose OR (b) substantial certainty or knowledge

Success in America

2005-08-24T22:36:00.000-07:00

Success in America
Excerpt from:
Cette grenade dans la main du jeune negre est-elle une arme ou un fruit?, Dany Lafferriere

(Part 1) "L’Amérique n’a qu’une exigence: le succèss. À n’importe quel prix. Et de n’importe quelle manière. Le mot <> n’a de sens qu’en Amérique. Que veut-il dire ? Que les dieux vous aiment. Alors les humains se rapprochent de vous, vous reniflent (le capiteux parfum du succès), vous frôlent et, finalement, dansent autour de vous. Vous êtes un dieu. Un dieu parmi les maîtres du monde. Il vous sera impossible d’aller plus loin. C’est ici le sommet. Le toit du monde. Surtout : on vous regarde."
(Part 2) "Celui qui regarde en Amérique est toujours un inférieur, jusqu’à ce qu’un autre furtif, rapide (pas plus de quinze minutes, n’est-ce pas, Warhol !), car, il y a toujours quelque chose d’autre à sentir en Amérique. Le nouveau parfum, justement."

>>So, what in the hell does that mean (say's Michelle)? I have written my interpretations of the passages, but I have not translated them word for word. If I did that it would lose its effect. So here goes:

(1)America has only one demand, one motivation: success. No matter the price, no matter how it is obtained.
The word success, only has meaning in America...and yet what in the hell does it mean? Does it mean the gods love you? Does it mean you spend your days adoring yourself and dancing around in celebration of yourself? You are a god, you are a god among all the great masters of the world. To feel at the top of the world, that is your goal, that is all you can reach. At most, you want the world to watch you and admire you.

(2)This is my favorite piece of this paragraph. Here, he says, those who watch, are always inferieur. In other words, the goal is to be watched, to be glorified, and in the spotlight. If you are in the act of watching, you are not in the spotlight.
However, he also remarks on the culture of fads, what's in style, who's out of style, etc. The complete absurdity of it. To be watched, one must conform to this system, one must constantly be "in style" to be in the spotlight.

I am much more verbose than Dany, but these are the things I have taken from this passage. Dany's books are available in English---just look him up on Amazon.

pattern

2005-08-17T16:31:00.001-07:00

An Ode to Macintosh

2005-07-31T23:04:00.000-07:00

During the Spring of 2003, just over two years ago, I lost my first mac. It was perhaps one of the most traumatic events of my life. I came home (at the time I was living with four other people in a house on campus) after a long day at work. When I approached the house, it was completely dark. No porch light on, no interior lights on. As I reached the door, I found that it was unlocked. I immediately felt a sense of worry and fear. As my boyfriend entered the house, he first went to my room (which was the only room with a light on). In a nervous and urgent voice he asked me "Arielle, where's your computer?" What? I thought, it should be on my desk. I ran into my bedroom, heart racing, fear rising from my stomach to my throat almost blocking my windpipe. I looked to my desk to see my plant knocked over, dirt scattered, pulled wires, and the most heart wrenching of all....a bare, empty, space in the middle of my desk. My laptop had assuredly been stolen right out of our very home.
We instintly called the police, incase someone was still in the house (which was pitch dark), and sat outside awaiting their arrival.
My idiot ass roomates had left the front (and might I add) back doors open. I lost my computer, my book bag, all my notes for two of my classes, as well as two books--all two weeks before exams were about to begin.

I think that I cried on and off for about two days. My roomates never apologized. They never even took responsibility. I pray that the karma catches up to them, some day. The laptop wasn't covered under the insurance (desktops only) and it took me two more years sans computer to pay off the loan I took out to purchase it.

But alas, there are joyous times ahead. First, the loan has been paid off. Second, the gracious gods above have given me a new Powerbook G4!!!!!!!!!! I purchased it two days ago with the help of Mr Papa, Mrs Mama, some lovely birthday money, as well as my own savings. Not only that---(karma helped me out) but I was able to take advantage of the rebate deals on the iPod Mini, Microsoft Office, and Photo Printer with Scanner.

I am in love with this machine, and repeatedly mumble to myself "what a beautiful, beautiful machine." I easily installed the printer software, iPod software, and hooked my digital camera right up to it--no problems. I am in heaven!!!

Our Nation's Path...Continued

2005-07-17T15:59:00.000-07:00

I want to clarify my points from the last post. I received a comment to the post which made me realize I may need to rephrase some things.

I do not believe that Roe vs. Wade will be overturned. However, without overturning that rule, there are ways to limit a woman's right to choose while still allowing abortion to be legal. Certain states currently have varying laws concerning minors getting abortions, the need for parent's authorization, etc. My real concern is that it will become more difficult to get an abortion in some states, and possibly become more difficult nationally.

I do agree that some conservative women privately support abortion rights. Unfortunately, many conservative women are strongly against abortion, but often times because they do not understand what it means to say "right to choose". I spoke with one person (who is very close to me) who really had a very contorted view of "pro-choicers" thinking that they really were advocating abortion (which we know isn't the truth). The conservative parties (Republican and other) often speak in hyperbole of liberal and "left of right" views. This tactic has worked surprisingly well, especially for those who rarely speak about "liberal issues" with "liberal people". The same scheme has been seen with the issue of war, (those against it are somehow anti-american) as well as artists, directors, and writers (the claim that Micheal Moore and Al Franken are anti-American). Hyperbole--shit why didn't we think of that?

I do not think that the Supreme Court Justices will have the only say on reversing abortion rights--of course that doesn't make sense--but I do think that many of us underestimate the role of judges in this nation. Local judges (let alone the feds) have had an enormous impact on women's issues for hundreds of years, and that hasn't stopped (though we may want to believe it has). There are large variances among states and counties within states. If you read about cases involving rape or domestic violence --many times a judge will impose very minor sentences to offenders. Unfortunately it doesn't end there. I have worked with victims of domestic violence for almost four years---and so my attention to these issues is heightened. I have read many-an-article where men are given extremely light sentences for killing their wives (one story took place in Texas).

All for now...

Our Nation's Path To...

2005-07-11T14:26:00.000-07:00

The resignation of Sandra Day O'Conner, coupled with the recent high number of judges appointed by the Bush Administration is quite disturbing. But alas, we already know this.

Perhaps what many of us don't know, is what is possible. Not only what will happen, but what CAN happen? I picture our nation in twenty years, and wonder whether my current birth control prescription will require more than a doctor's visit to obtain. Will I need to fill out more forms, will I need my husband's approval? Will I be allowed to get my tubes tied after having children without needing the Governor's approval? These are extremes and yet some of these types of requirements are not so far fetched-considering policies in other countries.

Looking at the Human Rights Watch website today, I read two articles pertaining to this exact issue. One dealing with Columbia, the other Argentina. Portions of the articles are below.

Colombia: Women Face Prison for Abortion
Human Rights Watch
(New York, June 27th 2005) "Colombia’s law prohibits abortion in all circumstances. The penalty is lighter when the pregnancy is the result of rape (or “nonconsensual artificial insemination”). In 2000, the Colombian Congress amended the penal code, adding the possibility for a judge to waive penal sanctions on a case-by-case basis. However, judges have discretion to waive penal sentences only in cases of rape and under two further conditions: if the abortion occurs in “extraordinary situations of abnormal motivation” (an ambiguous clause that requires judicial interpretation) and if the judge considers the punishment “unnecessary.” However, a later amendment in 2005 also extended the maximum sentences for abortion from three years in prison to four and a half."

Argentina: Limits on Birth Control Threaten Human Rights
Human Rights Watch
“Argentina’s restrictions on contraception and abortion prevent women from deciding how many children they want to have, and when,” said LaShawn R. Jefferson, Women’s Rights director at Human Rights Watch. “These laws and practices effectively treat women like minors.”
The report also exposes some of the detrimental effects of domestic violence on women’s reproductive health. The Argentine government has not done enough to remedy these abuses and their effects on women’s health, Human Rights Watch said.
A 35-year-old mother of eight children, Gladis M. said for 14 years her husband beat her and prevented her from using contraceptives. Gladis said her husband repeatedly told her: “I am going to fill you up with children so you can’t leave my side.”
After decades of government opposition to the sale or use of contraceptives, including even condoms during the 1976-83 military dictatorship, the Argentine government in 2003 began to implement a national program to distribute certain contraceptives—like hormonal contraceptives and intrauterine devices (IUDs)—for free through the national health system. However, women continue to face multiple barriers in their access to family planning, including lack of accurate information, violence in the home, economic constraints and discriminatory laws.
Under Argentine law, one of the most effective forms of contraception—sterilization—is subject to discriminatory restrictions. Many public hospitals require that women obtain their husband’s consent for the operation, that they have at least three children, and that they be older than age 35 to be eligible for the surgery.
“I thought I was going to die, but I wanted to do it.,” said Laura P., 35, who already had five children when poor health caused her to seek sterilization. “In the hospital they set up every possible obstacle. The head of the hospital told me that it was the same as having an abortion.” She appealed to a court, but was denied the operation despite fulfilling all the public hospital’s requirements.
“Women seeking sterilization face Kafkaesque ordeals,” said Jefferson. “In one public hospital, women had to beg approval from six different authorities, plus get their husband’s signature in the presence of two witnesses.
Many women told Human Rights Watch they had endured unwanted pregnancies because of lack of access to or inability to use contraceptives, and some had abortions. In Argentina, abortion is illegal in all circumstances, yet an estimated half a million abortions occur every year. Though the law waives the punishment in cases where the pregnant woman’s life or health is in danger, or where the pregnancy is the result of the rape of a mentally disabled woman, access to a legal and therefore safer abortion is almost nonexistent in practice. As a result, women are forced to seek abortions through unsafe, unregulated clinics. In other cases, they induced their own abortions by methods that gravely jeopardized their health and lives. Without medical supervision, other women used anti-inflammatory drugs to induce abortion, resulting in severe health consequences and sometimes even death.
“You get overwhelmed by desperation. You seek all the ways out,” said Paola M., a woman who had 10 children by the age of 36. “But if there is no way out, then you take a knife or a knitting needle.”

_______________________________________________________
These stories are horrifying, and heart wrenching. Sadly, this was the place of many American women during the early to mid-twentieth century. Is it possible that we will end up there again. Is our Nation's path leading backwards?

The Smell of Honey

2005-07-11T14:17:00.000-07:00

I adore this picture-I snapped it on Sunday. Hope you like! If you are interested in viewing more photos please visit my other blog: http://anglesandlight.blogspot.com

When the Wind Changes

2005-07-05T16:38:00.000-07:00

Scrambling to pick a side,
to choose a scapegoat
and feel secure again.

The winds are changing,
that southern warmth
turns to a northern chill.

No one is sure of what to believe,
who to trust,
or where to find refuge.

There is just the constant reminder
that things are changing
and the blinding sun, is no longer blinding.

While one camp has greater vision,
the other still pretends not to understand
and in the midst people are disappearing.

It's July and I'm freezing,
watching the clock
and thinking of home.

-AH

Day Trip to Big Sur

2005-07-04T23:33:00.000-07:00

Below are some pictures from Julia Pfeiffer Burns State Park at Big Sur!! We were unable to camp (due to last minute planning on my part) but we did hike all around Julia Pfeiffer Burns State Park.

We hiked the Waterfall Trail, the Canyon Trail, the McWay Trail, as well as the Ewoldsen trail. You can view a map of the park trails at: http://www.pelicannetwork.net/jpb.trail.map.htm

You can also view the following website for park information: http://www.parks.ca.gov/?page_id=578

Here are some photos--taken on a very foggy morning. FYI: some of the images are slightly distorted (stretched too wide or compressed).

This is a picture of McWay Falls, perhaps one of the most famous images of Big Sur.

Here I am, standing in front of McWay Falls.

There are many bunnies hopping around Big Sur, this one stopped right in front of us as we were hiking, staying long enough to pose for a picture.

This is a view of McWay Creek, along one of the hikes we did.

This is one of the more spectacular falls (McWay Creek).

Roasted Salmon with Rosemary

2005-06-27T20:01:00.000-07:00

An an attempt to diversify our dinner plate--we looked up a recipe that would not only taste delicious, but one that would utilize some of the things in our garden.
Below is a picture of tonights dinner: Roasted Salmon with Rosemary, Lemon, and Red Onion.
This dish is very easy and doesn't require any measurements.

Salmon (center cut)
Thinly Sliced Lemon
Rosemary (several branches)
Thinly Sliced Red Onion
Salt/Pepper to taste
Olive Oil

Place sprigs of Rosemary in the bottom of a Pyrex dish, place slices of onion on top, followed by salmon (skin side down). Then add salt and pepper to top of salmon. Add additional sprigs/branches of rosemary, lay lemon slices on top, and finish with olive oil.
Place in the oven at 500 degrees for 20 minutes. Do not overcook.

Serve with asparagus (as shown) or other vegetable.

Trip to Greece

2005-06-15T19:34:00.000-07:00

Just got back from our trip to Greece. Below are some pictures from Santorini. Enjoy!!

Une Mère et sa Fille

2005-05-06T23:05:00.000-07:00

Aujourd’hui, à neuf heures du matin,
une mère a décidé de quitter son mari.
Elle a venu à moi, pour l’assister
Avec sa petite fille.

Pendant la nuit, hier soir,
elle attendait l’aube
parce qu’elle signifie la commencement
d’une nouvelle vie.

Elle n’a aucune idée
de quoi elle va faire,
sauf échapper
une vie misérable et violente.

Et donc, elle sort
comme chaque jour-
cependant, aujourd’hui
elle ne va pas retourner.

Pendant tout le week-end
je vais penser d’elle
et sa petite fille.
J'espère qu’elles soient en sécurité.

~AH

Driving Into the Blurred Past

2005-05-03T22:55:00.000-07:00

Driving home,
watching white dashed lines blur
into one, remembering the past year
and wishing I could go back.

The angle of light endlessly shifts,
guiding dancing shadows across the landscape.
The sunbeams are almost parallel to the road,
straining my eyes and challenging my vision.

My thighs are sweating,
the droplets coalescing into warm pools.
There's no AC. The outside air still too balmy
to cool the car.

Perfect purple hues and strokes of yellow
paint the horizon, only to quickly disappear
behind the gray mountains
as the sea swallows the afternoon light.

The smell of yesterday's cappuccino
drifts in the air, luring me back into a caffeine haze.
I would kill for a cup right now,
even though the day draws to a close.

Finally, the fog begins to drift over the hills
like frothed milk- ebbing from the sea,
falling into the mountain crevices and
finally melting into the warm valley.

I am almost home.

~AH

_______________________________________________________
I wrote this poem last fall-it was inspired by one particular ride home from work
on a hot afternoon. I changed it a bit, but it remains mostly the same.

Tears in Africa

2005-05-02T16:11:00.000-07:00

A week ago, on my way home from work, I heard a brief summary of the violence and rape devastating Eastern Congo on NPR. "A recent report from Human Rights Watch says "virtually all" of the armed groups operating in the Democratic Republic of Congo's east, including the Congolese Army, have sexually abused civilians. The systematic rape of females is among war crimes allegations being investigated by the International Criminal Court in the Hague."-All Things Considered, NPR 4/20/05

As I listened to the account of young women's testimonies, describing how they were victimized, raped, often brutally beaten, sometimes to the point of death-I felt tears welling up on the tips of my eyelids. I pictured tears running down swollen cheeks and young girls paralyzed with fear. In Darfur, women have been suffering the same brutality, even when they seek protection in refuge camps. The rebels and Congolese soldiers have specifically hunted for young women, those they believe are still virgins. They have even raped children. Mothers have been pushed aside at gunpoint while men rape small girls at gunpoint. Many women and girls, not killed
during the act, have died shortly thereafter due to lack of medical care. Many women are too ashamed or afraid to tell their families that they have been raped. In many African countries, if a woman is raped she is considered to be impure, and it is difficult for her to marry.

U.N. Officials, Helping or Hurting?
What is even more frightening, is that many U.N. personnel who were sent to Eastern Congo to protect civilians, especially women and children, have raped women and children themselves. ABC News has an excellent article on this subject, and some of the ways the U.N. is trying to combat and prevent such atrocious and disgusting behavior. I was very disappointed by the United Nations lack of effort and comprehension in dealing with this problem. An ABC News article, entitled, U.N. Sex Crimes in Congo writes, "The United Nations said its crackdown on sex crimes includes a tough dusk-to-dawn curfew for U.N. personnel soldiers and a midnight deadline for civilian employees." This temporary solution is utterly misguided, and shows a complete lack of comprehension of the gravity of the situation. Rape doesn't only occur after dusk-it can occur during the day. Top U.N. officials should not be presenting rules and regulations from oversees, they should be conducting sweeps, and checks, as well as supervising their personnel and soldiers in Congo. William Swing, the head of the U.N. peacekeeping mission in Eastern Congo, is quoted by ABC News as stating that he was unaware of U.N. fraternization with prostitues there. He makes many promises, but at no point promises to attend to the situation himself-at the scene of the crimes. Moreover, U.N. personnel do not go through background checks, and they are exempt from prosecution in Congo. I respect the U.N. and all that they have done all around the world, but they have lost control of this situation and do not seem to be taking it seriously enough.

TESTIMONIES
Below are the testimonies of women and girls from Eastern Congo found on the Human Rights Watch website. If you would like additional information, please visit their website.

Delphine W., twenty-one years old, about her rape in September 2001 in Goma: I don’t know what time it was, I was asleep. Four men, soldiers, came to see what they wanted to steal. They were armed with knives. They spoke Kinyarwanda and Kiswahili—the two languages of the military. Some were Rwandan and some Congolese. Some were in civilian clothing and some in military uniform. There was just me and my mother in the house. They forced the door open. I was in bed. When the door opened I cried out. They said they needed the girl. Three of the men raped me. They did not rape my mother. They said they didn’t need the mother, just the girl. They asked if I was married and I said no. They asked me if I had ever been taken by a man and why. [One of the men] said, “What girl has never been taken by men?” It was the first time I had ever slept with men. They said if I refused, they’d kill me. The first one who took me hit me with his hands; he took me by force. I asked for mercy. He said that if I didn’t let him do it he would kill me. I refused. He hit me so I accepted. I was still in bed. The others didn’t hit me. The second one wanted to put his thing in my mouth—I refused. The three raped me, the fourth left. When they took me, I felt sick. In the night I cried and said to God: “Why did you want it to be like that? I refused so many men. Then I had to accept men I had never met before, I didn’t even know their faces.” My mother told me I should thank God I was still alive. She told me to be brave and not say anything to other families so as not to lose my reputation. She said if I talked about it, I might not get a husband. They could say I have illnesses because I was with soldiers. I was
sick for three days. I felt cold. It felt as if they had put chili in me—it burned. There was lots of blood running out. In the morning my mother gave me water to wash with, just water. I haven’t seen a doctor or a nurse.
A mother about the murder of her daughter Monique B., aged twenty, in Kabare: On May 15 of this year [2001], four heavily armed combatants—they were Hutu—came to our house at 9 p.m. Everyone in the neighborhood had fled. I wanted to hide my children, but I didn’t have time. They took my husband and tied him to a pole in the house. My four-month-old baby started crying and I started breastfeeding him and then they left me alone. They went after my daughter, and I knew they would rape her. But she resisted and said she would rather die than have relations with them. They cut off her left breast and put it in her hand. They said, “Are you still resisting us?” She said she would rather die than be with them. They cut off her genital labia and showed them to her. She said, “Please kill me.” They took a knife and put it to her neck and then made a long vertical incision down her chest and split her body open. She was crying but finally she died. She died with her breast in her hand. RCD officers came and looked at the body. But then they went away and I don’t think they ever did anything about it. I didn’t talk to other authorities because I thought it was a military matter. There is no electricity there, and we couldn’t see much, but we could hear her scream and see what happened when we saw the body in the morning. I never saw the attackers again, but I couldn’t even see them well that night. They didn’t stay after they killed my daughter.

Sophie W., a mother in her thirties from Shabunda, about her abduction: We went into the forest at the beginning of the war. My husband thought the forest was safer, and there was nothing to eat in town. But we moved back to town in 2000. In July 2000 the Mai-Mai came and took my husband. They beat me up and shot him and then cut up his body in front of me. They said my husband was a spy for the Tutsi. There were eight Mai-Mai. Two of them held me
down and the others raped me. They put two knives to my eyes and told me that if I cried, they would cut out my eyes. The Mai-Mai [took me back to the forest. They] spoke Kiswahili, Kilenga, Lingala, and Kinyarwanda. They were filthy—they had fleas. We had no shelter. There were only leaves to sleep on, and when it rained, we got soaked. We had mats with us, but the Mai-Mai took them away. There were many of them during the time I was in the forest—even 150 or more. They sometimes fed us small animals that they killed, but they didn’t give us much food.

Eléonore R, twelve years old, on an attack by on her home in Goma in August 2001:Four [men] came into the house and there were more outside. They opened the door, took the papa, tied him up, hit the mama, and took everything in the house. They made a lot of noise. I hid under the bed. They then came to my room. One was very tall, the other fat. I didn’t know them and didn’t really see them. They had guns and flashlights. They spoke Kinyarwanda and Kiswahili. When I refused one hit me twice with his hand. Then he did the act. There were four other children in the room, all younger. The man who did it told the others to close their eyes. I also closed my eyes. They stopped when the blood came.
A forty year old woman farmer from Uvira on an attack in July 2001: We were all working in the fields when some Banyamulenge men in uniforms and with arms surrounded us. We ran and hid but they grabbed a Burundian woman who was with us. They accused the woman of being the wife of the Mai-Mai. She said that she had come to seek refuge here. Seven soldiers took the Burundian woman off and raped her. Then they put a gun into her vagina and shot her. When they left we carried her with us. She died on the way [into town].

Conditioned to Kill

2005-04-26T12:51:00.000-07:00

I am still in the process of reading the book, "The Death of Innocents" by Sister Helen Prejean. The book is excellent, and I find myself shocked by the details of Dobie Gillis Williams and Joseph O'Dell's stories, as well as those of many others sentenced to death over the past thirty years.
In the chapter on Joseph O'Dell, Prejean describes the excuses judges, religious leaders, lawyers, jail workers, and regular citizens have used to justify killing individuals as punishment for their "supposed" crimes. Below is a small excerpt from this chapter.

"It is usually only in hindsight that societies recognize that they have engaged in torture. Until then, torture is normal and justified and even sanctioned by religious beliefs. I remember reading about a member of the military in Algeria whose task it had been to extract information from the "enemies of the government" and then to "dispose" of them. He told how he would gag and tie these persons hand and foot and fly them over the sea in a helicopter, split open their abdomens with a mechete, and push them into the sea. It's what "everybody was doing," he said, and at the end of the day he'd go home to his family and not think any more about it. In the furture, when we look back on this practice of the death penalty , won't the "strap down" teams and death row guards and wardens have their own stories to tell about how they participated in the torturous death os fellow human beings?

They are already telling the stories." (Page 109-Hard Cover Edition)

This passage made me immediately think of how humans, like any other animal, can be conditioned to perform acts that are reprehensible. The excuse, the phrase that we often use to separate our spirit, our heart, our conscience from those acts, is that it is our job. In other words, we have been conditioned to execute a task, and conditioned not to feel responsible for the consequences of that act.

Now, we are conditioned from birth to do millions of things with both good and bad results. It is specifically those things that cause harm to others, that I am directing my points to. Whether it is domestic violence, the emotional or physical abuse, manipulation, and control of another human being; child abuse; bullying; or the way we learn to place value on peoples lives (some being of less value than others based off of race, sex, religion, culture, personal history, criminal activity, drug use, weight, attractiveness, intelligence, physical ability). In sum, thoughout history humans have been conditioned to carry out violence against one another to maintain the power of a ruler, a country, a race, a religion, a sex, a government, a policy, or an individual. The death penalty, along with slavery, occupation, imperialism, war, terrorism, or violence between individuals, within homes, on school grounds---all can be lead to the need of one person/group to maintain power over another. Our way of "disposing" criminals (innocent or not) will neither stop criminal activity, bring back the dead, appease God, or help society.

We are conditioned by the media, by our teachers, by our parents, by our friends-and by our government every single day. It is our responsiblity to be aware of how and why we are being conditioned, and to what end?

Please take the time to read Sister Helen Prejean's books, they are filled with invaluable information.

When books find us....

2005-04-24T11:23:00.000-07:00

It's funny how some poems instantly speak to you-their timing running perfectly parallel to whatever it is that makes their content relevant-as if the author had you in mind. Often it seems that we don't find books or poems or films, but they find us. They magically sense those in need of their medicine. Managing to place their pages underneath our noses, briming with excitement, until our eyes get caught in their soothing words and phrases, and at that moment they know, they have found us.

~AH

Finding Comfort

2005-04-24T11:15:00.000-07:00

The Poet With His Face in His Hands

You want to cry aloud for your
mistakes. But to tell the truth the world
doesn't need any more of that sound.

So if you're going to do it and can't
stop yourself, if your pretty mouth can't
hold it in, at least go by yourself across

the forty fields and the forty dark inclines
of rocks and water to the place where
the falls are flinging out their white sheets

like crazy, and there is a cave behind all that
jubilation and water fun and you can
stand there, under it, and roar all you

want and nothing will be disturbed; you can
drip with despair all afternoon and still,
on a green branch, its wings just lightly touched

by the passing foil of water, the thrush,
puffing out its spotted breast, will sing
of the perfect, stone-hard beauty of everything.
~Mary Oliver

I came across this poem in the April 4, 2005 Edition of the New Yorker. It describes for me, the often desperate need of all of us to let go, to open the flood gates and allow all our pain, frustration, and regret to gush out like water from a broken dam. Unfortunately, the reality of such an outpouring of emotion is that it causes those around us much discomfort and irritation. To see our mothers cry, feels like watching the foundation of a large building crumble. We place an ample burden on those we expect to be strong. However, nature is presented as forgiving, comforting, and resilient to our tantrums and break downs. The strength of Mother Earth is all enduring-she accepts us in any form.
The poem also seems to say that the poet, has become unwanted-even irritating. His or her sorrow on paper no longer has any weight, any value. The poet placed in today's fast paced world, feels out of place and unable to articulate his pain.

The Business of War

2005-04-20T12:51:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I can't believe that our nation, our leaders, are engaged in a war with Iraq. I like to think that I am dreaming, or pretend that we are still living in the pre-9/11 naïveté that allowed us all to feel so safe. As I glance through the daily headlines on Yahoo! News, I come across another horrifying reminder that I am not dreaming, that we are at war, and that our nation is responsible for destroying a nation that was already in shambles.

Today, the bodies of more than 50 people were recovered from the Tigris River in Iraq. Additionally, another 19 Iraqis were found lined up and shot in a soccer stadium in Haditha. Residents there believed these victims — all men in civilian clothes — were soldiers abducted by insurgents as they headed home for a holiday marking the birthday of the prophet Muhammad.

We read these articles, we discuss the deaths, and yet I do not think that anyone in Washington feels their heart skip a beat when confronted with the number of deaths in Iraq, especially those of Iraqis. We lose the connection with words dealing with death, especially when it has occured on foreign soil. I, myself, can not understand the pain of losing 19 members of my community in one day, because I have not known that experience. We have not had battles on American soil since Pearl Harbor. Our homes are not bombed, our roads are not blocked, our families kidnapped, etc. The great loss we suffered on 9/11 was horrifying, and yet I think we forget that day-we forget the sadness, the need to end mass killings and war. Our leaders, took no time to reflect, no time to understand the motives behind that blow. Instead our administration took their opportunity to cash in on revenge and supply American companies in the war industry with more business.

The business of war, functions off of two main elements:
1) greed of big business and government
2) creating fear among the populace.

9/11 was a successful short-term and long-term terrorist attack because it crippled our nation in fear in the short run, gave our leaders the ability to engage in the business of war, and therefore strengthen the terrorist movement, and encourage more recruitment for terrorist forces. That is what is so frightening about our current administration, they understand that having an enemy, producing more enemys, is profitable to their business. Therefore, they will never cease to warmonger. It is to their financial benefit.

I would appreciate any comments, thoughts, etc.

Immigration and Domestic Violence

2005-04-18T16:46:00.000-07:00

In this issue of the East Bay Express (a Bay Area newpaper) the cover story is an article about how threats of deportation, financial abuse, green card status, and child custody matters are used against women who have recently immigrated to the United States. Considering I work as a Domestic Violence Advocate, I was very happy to see this article given so much attention in the EBE.

The article is very well written, and interestingly enough I have met many of the women quoted in the article. The stories of the women are compelling, and yet sadly too common. Please take the to read the article. If you would like to get a sense of the stories, a clip from "Nancy's Story" is listed below. The East Bay Express website is: www.eastbayexpress.com.

"NANCY'S STORY
When Nancy came to the United States from Ghana at age 25, she never imagined she'd end up under someone else's control. A high-school teacher in her home country, she had married a United Nations worker and had his child. The couple had adopted five more kids from impoverished villages, whom her husband brought to the city for better educations. But when her husband died suddenly of a heart attack, the young widow was left to support all six. "Life was very hard for me," Nancy recalls. "I heard that the United States was a better place, the land of opportunity, so I decided to come here and better my life." Leaving the children with her mother, she came to the East Bay on her own. The only person she knew here was an uncle, who helped her get a job as a home nursing aide for an elderly woman. She sent all of her wages home for her children. Nancy was nurturing, and soon drew the attention of one of the lady's friends, a man in his seventies. He would stop by the house several times a day to chat or help out; he helped manage the bills and would drive Nancy to the grocery store. Sometimes he'd treat her to a restaurant meal on the way home. The man praised her often, saying she was a nice person and that he appreciated the care she took of his friend. Eventually he approached her uncle, saying he hoped to marry Nancy. At first, she resisted -- she was new to the United States, and the idea of being with a much older white man made her nervous. Besides, she felt she didn't know the man or his family well enough. "In Ghana, we live in a community -- before you marry somebody you know the person's mother and father and even their grandparents," she explains. "You know the good and the bad." And in Ghanaian culture, divorce is not an option. "You marry for the rest of your life," she says.
For five or six months, Nancy's admirer continued to press her and her uncle about marriage. She grew to trust him and consider him her "best friend." Ultimately, she agreed to the proposal. "He told me he'd treat me good, he had his own house, a place for me to live, and I thought, 'Why not?'"
She soon found out. After the first month of living together, Nancy discovered that her new husband wasn't the man she thought she'd married: "All he wanted me to do is just stay home." To her, it seemed as though he had married primarily because he wanted a caretaker for himself and his mother, who was in her nineties. He demanded she quit her job and stop going to nursing school, and when she refused, he made it difficult for her to continue either pursuit, sometimes physically barring her from the door. Although she would routinely get back from work after midnight, he would never pick her up from the bus stop, or even give her the keys to the house so she could let herself inside -- she had to walk home alone and knock to get in. He also tried to prevent her from taking driving lessons, convinced she would go off on her own.
For two years, her husband's controlling behavior kept Nancy isolated and dependent upon him. He forbade her to speak her native tongue, Ashanti, on the phone because he feared she might be talking about him. He would hang up on anyone who called her, even her parents in Ghana, or simply pretend she was not at home. He denied her access to the couple's joint checking account -- once when Nancy withdrew $20 from the ATM he made her pay it back to him. He didn't let her cook African food in the house because he said it stank. He also was verbally abusive, she says, calling her a "black nigger" and insulting her culture. "You African, why did you leave? Do you live in trees? Do you have roads?" she recalls him saying. "You don't even have food to eat!"
But besides Nancy's cultural aversion to divorce, something else kept her tethered to her husband: her immigration status. Nancy was in the country illegally, and didn't have a valid work permit or other documentation. Her marriage to an American citizen made her eligible for a green card, which would give her lawful permanent resident status. This process can span many years, however, and must be initiated by the American half of the couple, who must cooperate fully by filing paperwork and attending interviews on behalf of the noncitizen spouse. Nancy's husband had begun filing her paperwork, but the process was far from complete, and he made sure she knew it. "He said if I don't go along with him he will let them take me back to Africa, and it's because of him that I'm still here," she recalls. He also told her that if she was pulled over while driving, the police could have her immediately deported because of her lack of papers. He went so far as to sabotage her green card process, hiding mail sent by the immigration authorities so that she missed a crucial interview.
On two occasions, the situation at home grew so untenable that Nancy went to a police station to file a complaint and then chickened out at the last moment, afraid that her immigration status would be used against her. Finally, on the day her husband threw all of her belongings onto the porch and locked her out, Nancy felt she had no choice. She called the cops, and with the assistance of one of her college instructors who noticed her crying in class, sought help at the International Institute of the East Bay, an Oakland nonprofit that assists immigrants and refugees. To her surprise, Nancy was told that abused immigrant women have the right to petition for their own residency, independent of their abusive spouses, thanks to a relatively recent law called the Violence Against Women Act. It's not an easy process, however, and it's still evolving as legal advocates begin to address the unique powerlessness of battered immigrant women.
What's more, the law is set to expire this fall unless reauthorized by Congress, even as women's-rights advocates push for reforms that will make it a more useful protective tool. Immigration law is imperfect and complicated, and often very tough to navigate for the hundreds of battered immigrant women living in the East Bay. Many have no idea that the physical, sexual, and/or emotional abuse wrought by their spouses is illegal, or that there is any way to stop it. They are wary of the authorities, financially dependent on their abusers, and fear deportation if they come forward; two of the women interviewed for this story asked that only their first names be printed, while Nancy insisted on a pseudonym even for her first name. Because of their fear and lack of information, these women tend to remain invisible to authorities and service providers, enduring abuse for years until they turn up in desperate need of help, too bruised and bloodied to ignore. Or, like Nancy, they go to the police because they have nowhere else to go. "

Liberation or Defamation?

2005-04-12T12:59:00.000-07:00

When the sexual revolution hit the US in the 1960s and 70s-in conjunction with women's liberation I'm not sure that we (women) got all that we reckoned for. As a child of the 80s, I did not participate in the movement and therefore there is a limit to what I am able to say. However, what I am interested in discussing, is the result of that movement 30 years later. Moreover, how is the media impacting visions of women for the next 30 years? Has the perception of women become fragmented, whereas a woman represents both liberation and defamation concurrently?

Some of the acheivements from that era, such as the legalization of oral contraceptives by the Food and Drug Administration in 1960, the legalization of abortion in 1973 with Roe v. Wade, and the beginning of women's sexual expression, still remain today. Although the current administration is slowing tearing away a woman's right to choose and reversing this progress. Regardless, these changes have had a profound impact on women's lives, most markedly their careers. These changes gave women the right to choose when to have children, as well as allowing women to take ownership of their bodies, their sexuality. But recently there has been a backlash against these rights.

My first focus will be the media, since it is able to capture the largest audience, and therefore impact the greatest number of people. Our television shows, our music, our newspapers, though diverse are each a representation of some part of our nation. The media represents the split-personality of our country's populace. In television media (including films and music videos) we are able to see an unquestionable fragmentation of women's role in society. She is both respected and shamed, professional and without skills, made equal and subjugated, clean and dirty, in control and controlled. Her body is both private and public, her own and yet owned.

Continued...